1 00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,570 [Man Narrating] This is the village of Putnam's Landing... 2 00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:56,240 located some 50 miles north of New York City on Long Island Sound. 3 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,648 Rich in history and tradition... 4 00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:01,551 Putnam's Landing was founded in 1628... 5 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,816 by one Samuel Putnam. 6 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,984 There is very little to be said about Samuel Putnam... 7 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,961 as the day he landed, he was scalped. 8 00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:13,590 It was the last really interesting thing that happened in Putnam's Landing... 9 00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:15,725 for more than 300 years. 10 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,270 - This is the crack commuting train... - [Horn Blaring] 11 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:21,000 The 5:29 from Grand Central. 12 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,668 It makes its run in an hour and 10 minutes. 13 00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:26,371 These are the happy commuters. 14 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:30,212 In the last five years, these contented country dwellers... 15 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:33,775 have made 1,250 round-trips. 16 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,083 That means they have each wasted a total... 17 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:41,617 of 2,920 and two-third man-hours aboard this train. 18 00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:44,390 - Hey, a scotch and soda! - [Chattering] 19 00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:47,297 Scotch and soda! 20 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,097 - Hey! - Here you are, sir. 21 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,502 Pass one of those back here, will ya? 22 00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:57,335 Make it a double. It's gettin' late. 23 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:06,508 Hey, hey. I'll settle for a single, straight. 24 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,449 Thank you. I'm very grateful. 25 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,526 [Chattering] 26 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:20,032 It took me all this time to get my first drink. I sure can use it. 27 00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:22,533 - [Glass Clatters] - Putnam's Landing! 28 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:27,164 Putnam's Landing! Don't forget your parcels. 29 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,767 - [Chuckling] - [Forced Chuckle] 30 00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:49,852 [Woman] Do you think success will spoil you, Harry Bannerman? 31 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,328 Hi, Angela. 32 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,698 Say, you haven't seen Grace around here anyplace, have you? 33 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:59,932 No. Have you seen my Oscar? 34 00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:03,407 No. Well, he wasn't on the bar car anyway. 35 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:08,140 Well, if he wasn't on the bar car, he wasn't on the train. 36 00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:11,047 Yes. You have a point there, yes. 37 00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:18,113 [Dinging] 38 00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:23,294 - [Ringing] - Hello? 39 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,194 No, honey, it- 40 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,928 No, uh, it's just that Danny swallowed something. 41 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,061 Fortunately, the plumber's here. 42 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,935 Um- Honey, look, there's a lot going on. 43 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,874 Do you suppose you could take a cab just this once? 44 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,877 All right. 45 00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:46,942 - Everything all right? - No. Grace got tied up. She wants me to take a cab. 46 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,818 Oh, that's all right. I'll drop you. 47 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,914 Look. No meter. 48 00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,982 Well, thanks. 49 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:08,238 - Oh, I'm sorry. Can I make an observation? - Yes. 50 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,267 What is that devastating perfume you have on? 51 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,439 - Pink Boudoir. - Well- [Italian] 52 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,676 - Now may I make an observation? - Go right ahead. 53 00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:21,709 That is sweeter than anything my husband has said to me since we've been married. 54 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:25,656 I'll remember it as I sit alone tonight getting loaded. 55 00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:29,217 Gee, I wonder why Grace couldn't meet me. Probably something got clogged. 56 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:32,162 Oh, think positively. The trouble with you is... 57 00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,927 you should've had a couple more drinks on the train. 58 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,162 [Chuckles] I didn't have a drop. 59 00:05:37,236 --> 00:05:40,171 - Why? - Well- [Chuckles] 60 00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,867 It's a long story with an unhappy ending. 61 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,309 Oscar always has a couple of drinks on the train... 62 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,677 to brace himself so he can face me, I guess. 63 00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,773 Oh, I don't know about that. 64 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,614 But I have a couple of doubles because the way I look at it is that... 65 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:57,122 he is twice as hard to face as I am. 66 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,387 Not that I miss him, but I wonder what happened to him. 67 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,519 I don't know. Guys in television... 68 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,029 are always going off somewhere unexpectedly. 69 00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,032 Mmm. One of these days... 70 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,364 I'm going to go off somewhere unexpectedly. 71 00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,903 - Oh, yeah? - To Reno, Nevada. 72 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:15,270 Of course, the sad part is I don't really want a divorce. 73 00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:18,105 I mean, I like being married. 74 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,907 [Sighs] I just don't like being married to Oscar. 75 00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:24,711 Actually, Grace is a remarkable girl. 76 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,617 Actually, Oscar is kind of a poop. 77 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:31,783 No. The whole problem is there just aren't any eligible bachelors... 78 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:34,827 in Putnam's Landing. 79 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:38,489 Of course, the joint is absolutely jumping with married men. 80 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,964 I could pick off any one of them- 81 00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:43,968 ping- anytime I wanted to. 82 00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:47,335 [Chuckles] Don't point that thing at me. I'm a- I'm a- 83 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,240 [Clears Throat] I'm a happily married man. I have a happy home... 84 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:52,675 and a happy wife and two happy children. 85 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:57,205 I couldn't be happier. I'm very happy indeed. Oh! 86 00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:01,549 If I- If, uh- If someone were unhappy... 87 00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:04,146 you could certainly make 'em happy. 88 00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:06,350 - Oh. - I mean, you're very attractive. 89 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,554 - And, gosh, you sure do smell good. - Thank you. 90 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:12,427 Don't you think you'd better watch where you're going? 91 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,695 Um, no, I-As I was saying, there's no question about it. 92 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,702 I mean, if-if, um- 93 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:22,036 If I weren't as happy as I am, uh- 94 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:24,099 I mean, there wouldn't be any question about it. 95 00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:29,240 You could, uh, make me- You know what I mean? 96 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:36,287 Oh. Oh, I didn't mean anything, uh- 97 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:40,382 - Angela, really, I-I didn't mean, um- - I wish you had. 98 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,260 Are we, uh, waiting for a red light or something? 99 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,299 No. 100 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:50,597 Here's your happy home. [Laughs] 101 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:53,070 Oh, yes, so it is. Well, gee. 102 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,631 Thanks for the, um-Thanks for the lift and for the laughs, Angela. 103 00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,677 So long, Happy. 104 00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,769 Oh, funny girl. 105 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:10,879 - [Thundering Hoofbeats On TV] - [Dog Barking On TV] 106 00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,891 - [Gunfire] - [Blows Kiss] 107 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:15,359 - Hi, fellas. - Shh! 108 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,828 Hey, uh, fellas, Daddy's home. 109 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,765 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 110 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:25,463 Thank you, gentlemen. I am deeply moved. 111 00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:32,072 We gotta do something about that television. 112 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,072 Oh, boy. 113 00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:40,744 - Is this all we got? - Mm-hmm. 114 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,914 Well, while you're at it, will you, uh, make a note to get some more whiskey? 115 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,390 - All righty. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 116 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:50,555 Wait a minute. Now, drop the pen. What are we writing? 117 00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,292 A deposit for a new washing machine. 118 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,493 A new w- 119 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,466 - You're in a lovely mood. - What kind of a mood do you expect me to be in? 120 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:05,238 I come home to my mortgage-covered cottage. The kids don't talk to me. 121 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:08,007 You only come home to your mortgage-covered cottage. 122 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:11,015 I am home. I'm the one who has to face... 123 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:15,452 the washing machine breaking down and Danny swallowing his allowance. 124 00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:18,183 - All of it? - All five pennies. 125 00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:20,748 Well, I, uh- I knew something got clogged. 126 00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,454 Very funny. 127 00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,156 [Snickers] 128 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,828 [TVContinues] 129 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,099 Uh, why did you do that to your daddy? 130 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,306 Now, just for that, you turn off that television set... 131 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,782 and you take your brother and you go upstairs and you look at your radio. 132 00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:47,785 How do you look at a radio? 133 00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,787 Don't correct your father. 134 00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:51,846 You heard what your mother said. Now! 135 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,030 - That's right. Yell at the children. - [Door Slams Shut] 136 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,190 That's the alcohol speaking. 137 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,235 - What? Where? I haven't had any alcohol. - I don't know why you do it. 138 00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,634 You can't face us when you come home. You can't face me... 139 00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,798 or your beautiful children or your lovely home. 140 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:10,967 I can't face you? Honey, half the time, you're not here to face. 141 00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,739 Now, people are beginning to think that the babysitter's my wife. 142 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,247 And what have you been doing to make them think that? 143 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,415 What have I- 144 00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:23,284 Honey, wait- Don't change the subject. 145 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:26,325 Now, where were you on Monday when I came home? 146 00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:30,123 Monday was den mothering it in the woods with a pack of other people's mistakes... 147 00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:32,221 and I had cold scraps from Sunday. 148 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,324 Then on Tuesday-Tuesday was the meeting for the Committee... 149 00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,665 for the Preservation of, uh- 150 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,570 - Unknown Landmarks. - Yeah, thank you. 151 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:46,340 Unknown Landmarks. And I sat shivering with a frozen TV dinner. 152 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,346 Hey, listen! [Chuckles] 153 00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:51,474 I get the chills every time I think of dinner at home. 154 00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:54,678 So now you think it's wrong for me to take an interest in my community, hmm? 155 00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,780 No, no, an interest is fine. Honey, this town... 156 00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:00,325 has got more committees than the United Nations. 157 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,258 You seem to be on every one of them. 158 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,229 We had more homelife before we were married, Grace Oglethorpe. 159 00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:08,289 And now you're attacking me for doing my civic duty! 160 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,801 No. Civic duty's fine up to a point. Up to a point. 161 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,100 But you've gone beyond that point. 162 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:17,734 Honey, you're not a conscientious citizen anymore. You're a conscientious sucker. 163 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:21,268 Thank you very much. 164 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:23,542 We had a fellow in the office had a wife just like you- 165 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,550 committees, committees, committees. 166 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,609 You know what he did? 167 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:33,248 He went out and he found himself a little homelife away from home. 168 00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,657 She was a rare beauty too. 169 00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:39,425 Where did you see her? 170 00:11:39,498 --> 00:11:41,864 He showed me her picture. 171 00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:45,461 All right. All right, Harry Bannerman. 172 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:49,770 If that's what you want, you go out and you find yourself some little floozy... 173 00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:52,538 and you see if- 174 00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:55,011 [Sobbing] 175 00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,811 Honey! 176 00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:59,908 [Sobbing Continues] 177 00:11:59,985 --> 00:12:01,919 Will you- 178 00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:10,621 Darling, I don't want that. I couldn't afford it even if I did- 179 00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:13,358 Darling, I want you. I love you. 180 00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:17,163 And I love you too. So why are we fighting? 181 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,603 Because when I come home, I'd like- 182 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,607 [Chuckles] I don't know. 183 00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:27,806 [Sniffles] Harry, how would you like to go away for a couple of days? 184 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:32,476 - Me, alone? - Oh, no, honey. I mean both of us. 185 00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:34,781 Honey, you mean that? 186 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:37,448 Of course I mean it. 187 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:41,220 Oh, now you're talkin'. Now you're really talkin'. 188 00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:45,730 I'll get that babysitter in, and I'll get Sid Harris to take over at the office for me. 189 00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,925 - I got a great idea. - What? 190 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,662 We'll go to New York. We'll get us a suite at the St. Regis Hotel. 191 00:12:50,736 --> 00:12:52,897 Oh, that's a divine idea! 192 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,963 Can we have breakfast in bed? 193 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,565 Ooh, can we have breakfast in bed! 194 00:12:57,643 --> 00:13:00,806 And lunch in bed, and dinner in bed. 195 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,745 Maybe even a midmorning snack in bed. 196 00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,215 Hey! Look, if we leave right now- 197 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,514 Honey, we can't leave now. 198 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,255 - Why not? - Because there's a town meeting. 199 00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,622 - Oh, so what? Skip it. - Well, darling, I would love to. 200 00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:18,424 But Betty O'Sheels garbage plant comes up for a vote, and I swore to her we'd be there. 201 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:22,661 Well, can't we send proxies? I mean, that's only garbage. 202 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,831 Oh, honey, I'm on her committee. She needs my moral support. 203 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:30,842 Well, I need your support too, honey, moral and otherwise. 204 00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,504 Well, how about tomorrow? 205 00:13:33,579 --> 00:13:37,572 I don't know if I can restrain myself until tomorrow. 206 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,346 Then you'll just have to make the effort. 207 00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:43,217 Okay. 208 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,849 Tomorrow. 209 00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,859 - Honey? - Hmm? 210 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,327 - I can't make it tomorrow either. - Why not? 211 00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,694 I've called a meeting of my Pageant Committee. 212 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:57,065 Is it that time of the year again already? 213 00:13:57,136 --> 00:14:00,765 Now, Harry, you know what my pageant means to the town. 214 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,536 Well, what would they do on the Fourth ofJuly without it? 215 00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:05,543 They might enjoy themselves. 216 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,841 You think it's any fun sitting up there in those bleachers... 217 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:11,076 watching George Washington... dripping sweat... 218 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,914 when he's supposed to be freezing to death at Valley Forge? 219 00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:17,513 Well, this year, I've decided to do something different- 220 00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,650 something... bigger and better. 221 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:22,557 Like what? 222 00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:25,290 I don't know. I haven't decided yet. 223 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:29,664 Well, have you decided that we can definitely go on Saturday? 224 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,669 Harry Bannerman, where is your mind? 225 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,967 - Saturday's your son's birthday. - Which one? 226 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,974 - Harry Bannerman! - Well, I got a right to know. 227 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,976 Well, it's Danny's. 228 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,512 What about Sunday? Hmm? I love Sunday in New York. 229 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:45,243 - Sunday's the birthday party. - I thought you said the birthday was on Saturday? 230 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,285 Well, the birthday's Saturday, but, you see... 231 00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,787 Dickie Sutphen and Billy Nye have a dancing lesson on Saturday... 232 00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:52,449 so we decided to switch the birthday party on Sunday. 233 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:56,255 Well, for $64,000, why can't you make it Monday? 234 00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:58,728 - Well, we can. - We can? 235 00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:01,129 If you wanna take Peter with us. 236 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,294 Honey- Now, I-I love our firstborn... 237 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,304 as though he were human... 238 00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,136 but why do we have to take that little monster with us on our second honeymoon? 239 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:13,668 Because Monday's the day you take Peter in to get his bite plate fitted. 240 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,909 Oh, yeah, his bite plate. 241 00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:19,610 [Sighs] Just one last damaging question. 242 00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,916 Since you knew all along that we were never gonna be able to make it... 243 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,821 why did you tantalize me by bringing it up in the first place? 244 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,588 Oh, it's not all my fault. 245 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,653 I love you. 246 00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:36,292 And I love you too... 247 00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,730 from afar. 248 00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:42,273 And someday, someday... 249 00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:46,607 when Dickie Sutphen and Billy Nye have learned to dance... 250 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:50,206 and- and they found a new driver for the bloodmobile... 251 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,046 and- and they haven't formed that committee... 252 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,586 that you'll have to form the women's auxiliary of... 253 00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:58,122 and- and medical science has found a cure... 254 00:15:58,190 --> 00:16:01,523 for these mentally retarded do-gooders- 255 00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:03,527 [Sighs] Someday- 256 00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:06,029 Someday, Grace Bannerman... 257 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,362 mark my words... 258 00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,164 I'll get you yet. 259 00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,733 All right. 260 00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:20,307 [Narrator] If Harry Bannerman believes that his life is complicated now... 261 00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,472 - he should only know that at this very moment... - [Phone Ringing] 262 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,279 Angela Hoffa is doing a bit of conniving on her own. 263 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:31,380 But wait. I'm getting a little ahead of myself. 264 00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,391 Let's see who's calling. 265 00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,893 Yeah? Well, what I said still goes. 266 00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:39,556 - [Buzzing] - Yeah? 267 00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:43,465 Who? Mrs. Hoffa? That's my wife. Tell her to hang on. 268 00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,503 [Woman] I'm sorry. He's on another line. 269 00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,664 Oh, he's on another line? Well, all right. I'll wait. 270 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,470 I've got nothing else to do but stand here and shiver and drip. 271 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:56,807 Who? Oh, all right. Put her on. Angela, what do you want? 272 00:16:56,882 --> 00:17:00,045 [Sighs] What do I want? 273 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:05,955 Oh, I don't know. Love, power, immortality. 274 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,654 What's the matter with you? Are you loaded? Now, what is it you want? I'm busy. 275 00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:12,720 I hate to remind you that you called me. 276 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:16,825 But while you're on, I was just wondering in my naive, girlish way... 277 00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:18,836 why you weren't on the 5:29? 278 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:22,465 How should I know why I wasn't on the 5:29? 279 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:25,408 Oh, here it is in black and white. I'm flying to Hollywood tonight. 280 00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:29,311 Didn't they tell you? Of course I gotta go. How do I know why? I'm goin'. 281 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:32,714 Let's keep it gay, Oscar. Let's close with a laugh. 282 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,653 And here's the biggest laugh of the evening: I'll miss you! 283 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,122 Angela, I don't get it. 284 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,834 Ping. 285 00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:54,836 No, of course not, Angela. No, it's no trouble at all. 286 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:59,708 Angela, what good is it to be neighbors if we're not gonna be neighborly? 287 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,008 Yeah. All right, in half an hour. 288 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,015 Bye. 289 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:07,917 That was Angela Hoffa calling. She wants us to pick her up on the way to the meeting... 290 00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,955 'cause it seems that Oscar is off to Hollywood again. 291 00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:14,550 I don't know how they live together. They never see each other. 292 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:16,617 Harry? 293 00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:21,622 Harry, how long have you been seeing imaginary movies? 294 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,726 - On the back of my eyelids. - On the back of your eyelids. 295 00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:26,737 - Since you were six? - Five. 296 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:29,035 I've told you a million times. 297 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,269 When I was a kid, they were mostly Westerns. 298 00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:36,713 But then around 10, things kind of changed. 299 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:41,219 Harry Bannerman in Red Dust. 300 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,278 With Jean Harlow. 301 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:48,122 Of course, in- in my version, I took her away from Clark Gable... 302 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:52,630 which was quite a trick considering that I was only three feet tall. 303 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,861 You know, I've been discussing this with Sally Stengel's brother. 304 00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,027 He thinks it's a definite neurotic symptom. 305 00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:01,630 - It's a gift. - Not according to Sally Stengel's brother. 306 00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,732 However, he says it really isn't serious... 307 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:06,073 and he can probably stop it in six weeks' therapy. 308 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:09,114 Stop it? Honey, it saved my life a thousand times. 309 00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:13,618 Town meetings, P.T.A., lectures... 310 00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:16,779 and often when we have company. 311 00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:21,189 And may I ask what's playing at the Harry Bannerman Theater tonight? 312 00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,421 [Harry] It's a movie I created myself. 313 00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:25,963 And I can twist it any way I want. 314 00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:29,023 Harry, beloved, I have traveled halfway round the globe... 315 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,092 to tell you I'm ready to make amends. 316 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,662 No more committees, no more outside activities. 317 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:39,370 I am ready to spend all my waking hours making you happy. 318 00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:43,107 You are my life, my love, my all... 319 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,650 and I'm ready to prove it. 320 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:48,550 Darling, what more can I say... 321 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:52,056 after I say "I'm ready"? 322 00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:02,330 Harry Bannerman, I'm ready.! 323 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,392 Mm-hmm. 324 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,801 - Harry! - Grace, let's skip the meeting and stay home. 325 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,036 - Grace, I love you. - I love you too, but you're messing me up! 326 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,806 - Well? - Honey, we gotta go to the meeting. 327 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,008 - We can't stay here? - [Chuckling] No. 328 00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:21,951 Okay. Okay, tonight's the town meeting, and tomorrow's the pageant. 329 00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:24,454 Saturday is Danny's birthday, but Dickie Sutphen and Billy Nye have gotta learn how to dance... 330 00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,457 so they can't have the birthday party until Sunday. 331 00:20:26,525 --> 00:20:29,050 On Monday, you gotta take Peter and have his bite plate fixed. But on Tuesday- 332 00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:33,257 On Tuesday, you and I are checking in to the St. Regis Hotel... 333 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,823 come rain, snow or gloom of night. 334 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,835 [Chuckling] 335 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,838 Now, we may get there a little late for breakfast in bed, but we'll be there- 336 00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,840 - We'll get there in time for lunch? - In bed. 337 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,934 - Is that a date? - Yes. 338 00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,411 Next Tuesday at the St. Regis no matter what? 339 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,916 All right, you great big lovable, overgrown boy. 340 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:56,080 You have a date at the St. Regis next Tuesday no matter what. 341 00:20:57,789 --> 00:21:01,486 Let me up! We gotta go! 342 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,256 Come on! Come on. 343 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,957 Let's go in and take a peek at the kids, hmm? 344 00:21:16,541 --> 00:21:19,942 [Girl] Cinderella's sisters are two real cubes... 345 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:23,709 but, uh, her fairy godmother digs the action the most. 346 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,716 "Oh, you wanna go to the ball?" She asked. 347 00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,911 "Crazy, dad," Cinderella says. 348 00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:32,480 And wham, bam, alakazam, that no-talent pumpkin... 349 00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:38,518 suddenly turns into a four-passenger T-Bird. 350 00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:42,260 And off they go to have themselves a ball. Dig it? 351 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:44,268 - The most. - The most. 352 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:47,237 At least our kids are learning a foreign language. 353 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,104 Oh, you just don't dig it. You're getting old. 354 00:21:50,175 --> 00:21:53,576 I am, huh? Just wait until Tuesday. 355 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,215 Before going on, I should like to pause briefly... 356 00:21:58,283 --> 00:22:02,242 to examine some of the broader aspects of garbage disposal. 357 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:07,554 We must face the fact that garbage disposal-wise... 358 00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:11,153 new vistas, new dimensions... 359 00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:15,632 new horizons are daily being opened unto us. 360 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:19,034 Even a superficial glance at the facts reveals... 361 00:22:19,104 --> 00:22:21,504 that there are not one... 362 00:22:21,573 --> 00:22:26,010 but three basic methods of garbage disposal. 363 00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:41,222 I have brought a loaf of bread, a jug of wine. 364 00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:45,821 All I need is thou... now! 365 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,033 We must stand together. And I am very pleased to report... 366 00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:01,045 - that if we stand together... - [No Audible Dialogue] 367 00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:04,310 We can acquire the perfect location for this plant- 368 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:07,580 the old Yarboro property on Shore Road. 369 00:23:09,654 --> 00:23:12,953 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 370 00:23:13,024 --> 00:23:18,257 I own the old Yarboro property, and you're not gonna get it for a- for a garbage plant. 371 00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:20,298 Mr. Crummitt, may I- 372 00:23:20,365 --> 00:23:23,027 Now, let's save some words, Mr. Moderator. 373 00:23:23,101 --> 00:23:25,831 You're going to ask me, "Why not?" 374 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,668 And I'm going to tell you I've sold it. 375 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:31,402 And you're gonna ask me who bought it... 376 00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:34,240 and I'm gonna tell you who- 377 00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:36,246 the United States Army. 378 00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:37,906 - [Woman] What? - [Murmuring] 379 00:23:37,983 --> 00:23:40,816 Why is the army moving into a peaceful little village like this? 380 00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:42,854 What about our daughters? 381 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,219 Our daughters have been gently reared. 382 00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:47,656 What'll happen to these pure, innocent girls... 383 00:23:47,726 --> 00:23:50,627 when the town is filled with soldiers? 384 00:23:50,695 --> 00:23:54,859 - Mr. Crummitt- - I knew you were gonna get back to me. 385 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:59,370 Now, you're going to ask me, "What does the army want with that property?" 386 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,874 And I'm going to tell you word for word- 387 00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:07,071 verbatim- exactly what they told me- nothing! 388 00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:09,340 - Top secret. - [Man] Atom bombs! 389 00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:11,348 - [Murmuring] - The whole town might blow up! 390 00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:16,513 Order, please. We must have order. His Honor has the floor. 391 00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:19,648 Fellow citizens, as your mayor, I can safely say... 392 00:24:19,724 --> 00:24:23,558 that our town faces the greatest crisis since Samuel Putnam was scalped. 393 00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,562 - [Murmuring] - Absolutely! 394 00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:28,599 Are we going to sit by and be calmly blasted into kingdom come? 395 00:24:28,667 --> 00:24:30,601 [All] No! 396 00:24:30,669 --> 00:24:33,137 Let's forget all this silly talk about garbage... 397 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:36,174 and get on to the important problem we've got ahead of us. 398 00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:39,108 We've gotta keep this top secret out of Putnam's Landing. 399 00:24:39,177 --> 00:24:42,237 Bravo! 400 00:24:44,382 --> 00:24:47,943 [Woman] Mr. Moderator, I move that we form a committee right now. 401 00:24:48,019 --> 00:24:52,149 The Women's Safety Committee for the Protection of Putnam's Landing. 402 00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:56,024 And as chairman of that committee, I would like to nominate... 403 00:24:56,094 --> 00:24:59,063 the most public-spirited citizen it has ever been my honor to know- 404 00:24:59,130 --> 00:25:00,995 Mrs. Harry Bannerman.! 405 00:25:01,066 --> 00:25:03,057 [Cheering] 406 00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:14,103 No, you're swearing off, remember? 407 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:16,170 But they need me. 408 00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:31,887 Ladies and gentlemen, friends and neighbors... 409 00:25:31,963 --> 00:25:34,659 fellow citizens... 410 00:25:34,733 --> 00:25:37,725 I am humbly grateful for this great honor... 411 00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:39,997 this chairmanship of the- 412 00:25:40,071 --> 00:25:42,266 - What was that name? - Women's Safety Committee. 413 00:25:42,340 --> 00:25:44,274 The Women's Safety Committee... 414 00:25:44,342 --> 00:25:46,276 - for the Protection of Public's- - For the Protection of Putnam's Landing. 415 00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:48,812 Putnam's Landing, yes. Thank you. 416 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,782 Now, of course, we're all aware that we have to act quickly. 417 00:25:52,851 --> 00:25:56,480 So I move that we appoint a spokesman to go to Washington... 418 00:25:56,555 --> 00:26:01,754 and tell whoever's in charge that they will have to move their top secret someplace else! 419 00:26:01,826 --> 00:26:04,420 Who has the public relations experience... 420 00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:07,590 the strength and the courage to put the Pentagon in its place... 421 00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:10,794 and convince them that we mean to fight this-this- 422 00:26:10,869 --> 00:26:12,837 whatever it is no matter what the consequences? 423 00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:16,271 For this vital mission, I appoint... 424 00:26:16,341 --> 00:26:19,708 none other than my husband, Harry Bannerman.! 425 00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:22,542 - [Cheering] - [Man] I second it.! 426 00:26:22,614 --> 00:26:26,448 Motion has been made and seconded to appoint Mr. Bannerman spokesman. 427 00:26:26,518 --> 00:26:28,509 - All those in favor. - [All] Aye! 428 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:31,078 - Opposed? - Nay. 429 00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:33,090 [Mr. Moderator] Motion is carried. Mr. Bannerman... 430 00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:35,319 how soon can you be ready to go to Washington? 431 00:26:35,393 --> 00:26:37,827 Oh, he can be ready to go on Monday. Can't you, Harry? 432 00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:40,490 Mmm. Peter's bite plate. 433 00:26:40,565 --> 00:26:43,557 I forgot about that. Then you can go next Tuesday. 434 00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:47,730 No- No, next Tuesday is definitely out of the question. 435 00:26:47,806 --> 00:26:51,537 - Why? - Well, I'll tell you why. My wife and I are- 436 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,703 Harry, please. 437 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:55,905 He'll be glad to go, Mr. Moderator. 438 00:26:55,981 --> 00:26:58,381 Good. Well, that's it. 439 00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:06,690 [Narrator] Grace immediately called a meeting... 440 00:27:06,758 --> 00:27:10,125 of the Women's Safety Committee for the Protection of Putnam's Landing. 441 00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:12,561 So poor Harry took Angela home. 442 00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:17,591 And that's how Harry got his first drink, and his second, third and fourth. 443 00:27:17,669 --> 00:27:22,663 On reaching his fifth, Angela decided to get into something more comfortable. 444 00:27:22,741 --> 00:27:24,868 [Spraying] 445 00:27:24,943 --> 00:27:26,911 What's on your mind, Harry? 446 00:27:26,978 --> 00:27:31,381 [Snickers] I'd rather not say. 447 00:27:31,449 --> 00:27:33,349 Well, give me a little hint. 448 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:39,580 That's a-That's a devastating outfit you have on, Angela. 449 00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:42,456 I'm glad you like it. 450 00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:49,097 [Spraying] 451 00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:52,136 Grace, uh- Grace used to have a devastating outfit. 452 00:27:52,203 --> 00:27:54,137 - Oh? - Yeah, when we were first married... 453 00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:56,571 she had this, uh- she had this pink peignoir. 454 00:27:56,641 --> 00:27:58,575 Mmm! 455 00:27:58,643 --> 00:28:00,577 That's a transparent bathrobe, only pink. 456 00:28:00,645 --> 00:28:03,113 - Mmm. She must have looked like a living doll. - Yes, she did. 457 00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:04,944 And, uh, we were very happy then. 458 00:28:05,016 --> 00:28:08,952 I guess most people are at first. Well, what happened? 459 00:28:13,291 --> 00:28:16,226 Well, uh, she spilled cod liver oil on it. 460 00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:19,161 - Mmm? - Yeah, one night right in the middle of everything... 461 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:22,495 she suddenly remembered that she hadn't given Peter his cod liver oil. 462 00:28:22,567 --> 00:28:24,626 Oh, well, that's a shame. 463 00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:28,639 I guess a pink peignoir loses its magic when it has cod liver oil all over it. 464 00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:32,803 [Chuckles] Yeah, the cleaners tried, but it was never the same. 465 00:28:32,877 --> 00:28:37,143 She finally gave it to the janitor's wife and never got another one. 466 00:28:38,683 --> 00:28:40,651 I don't know what to say, Harry. 467 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:46,419 Well, of course, that... made me look kind of silly. 468 00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:48,425 Why? 469 00:28:48,493 --> 00:28:51,428 Well, you see, I had this black dressing gown that I- 470 00:28:51,496 --> 00:28:56,229 I sort of slipped into it when Grace slipped in and out of her pink peignoir. 471 00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:58,496 [Chuckles] 472 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:00,800 With the pink peignoir gone, why, suddenly... 473 00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:03,602 the black dressing gown didn't mean very much. 474 00:29:03,675 --> 00:29:05,870 She finally gave that to the janitor. 475 00:29:05,944 --> 00:29:09,641 I mean, it must've worked because within a year, they had twins. 476 00:29:09,714 --> 00:29:12,444 I had no idea, Harry. 477 00:29:12,517 --> 00:29:15,748 You've led a very tragic life. 478 00:29:15,820 --> 00:29:17,811 Oh, I'm not complaining. It's just that sometimes... 479 00:29:17,889 --> 00:29:20,414 I get this... 480 00:29:20,492 --> 00:29:23,256 kind of helpless- 481 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:32,092 We've both had quite a bit to drink. 482 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:36,470 [Whispering] Angela, I think I'd better go home now. 483 00:29:36,541 --> 00:29:38,475 [Whispering] Why? 484 00:29:38,543 --> 00:29:42,946 Grace told you to take me home and not wait up for her. 485 00:29:43,014 --> 00:29:47,474 And the meeting may go on for hours and hours, so why hurry home? 486 00:29:47,552 --> 00:29:49,383 Hmm. I don't know. 487 00:29:49,454 --> 00:29:51,854 [Chuckles] 488 00:29:51,923 --> 00:29:54,824 When you get right down to it, I don't know. 489 00:29:54,893 --> 00:29:58,090 Well, ring-a-ding-ding. 490 00:29:58,163 --> 00:30:01,428 - Well, ring-a-ding-ding. - [Giggling] 491 00:30:02,700 --> 00:30:05,669 492 00:30:18,016 --> 00:30:21,782 I think I could be very funny if I could just think of something to say. 493 00:30:21,853 --> 00:30:23,946 Well, how about, "Shall we dance"? 494 00:30:24,022 --> 00:30:26,320 How about that? 495 00:30:26,391 --> 00:30:30,191 Shall we? May I take off my jacket? 496 00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:34,023 Ch-Ch-Cha! 497 00:30:34,098 --> 00:30:36,123 Choo, choo, choo. 498 00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:41,572 One, two, three. One, two. One, two, three. 499 00:30:41,639 --> 00:30:46,008 One, two. One, two, three. One, two. One, two, three. 500 00:30:46,077 --> 00:30:49,069 One, two. One, two, three. One, two. 501 00:30:49,147 --> 00:30:52,548 Cha-cha-cha. One, two. Cha-cha-cha. 502 00:30:52,617 --> 00:30:54,608 One, two, three. 503 00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:58,345 Ooh. 504 00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,291 Cha. 505 00:31:04,896 --> 00:31:06,989 [Chuckles] 506 00:31:07,065 --> 00:31:09,898 - You live here alone? - No, I have a roommate. 507 00:31:09,968 --> 00:31:11,936 Oh! 508 00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,871 - But he's away in Hollywood tonight. - My roommate's away too. 509 00:31:15,940 --> 00:31:18,238 - Isn't that a coincidence? - Yes, it is. 510 00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:21,335 I wonder if coincidences have a meaning? 511 00:31:21,412 --> 00:31:25,473 - Leads to exciting thinking, doesn't it? - Mm-hmm. 512 00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:29,418 - Dangerous thinking if we weren't both so strong. - Yes. 513 00:31:29,487 --> 00:31:31,978 I think I'd better have another drink... 514 00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:34,456 so I can think clearer. 515 00:31:34,525 --> 00:31:37,323 I've got just what you need. 516 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:40,296 Well, hot-choo-choo-choo. 517 00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:55,138 [Bell Tolling] 518 00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,376 - [Glass Shattering] - [Angela Laughing Hysterically] 519 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,748 Oh, you should've seen what happened! 520 00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:07,052 I broke one of the lightbulbs with my head! 521 00:32:07,125 --> 00:32:11,221 [Indistinct] Because I was laughing- 522 00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:15,392 Harry? Harry? 523 00:32:15,466 --> 00:32:17,934 524 00:32:18,002 --> 00:32:22,701 Harry! Harry, come down! 525 00:32:25,109 --> 00:32:29,978 - - Harry.! 526 00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:34,212 Stop it, Angela! Don't laugh like that! 527 00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:36,879 - Harry- - [Laughing Hysterically] 528 00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:40,482 Don't laugh at me! I'm losing my grip! 529 00:32:40,558 --> 00:32:42,788 You're losing your grip! 530 00:32:42,860 --> 00:32:46,990 [Both Laughing Hysterically] 531 00:32:50,068 --> 00:32:55,631 Harry, you're the funniest man I've ever seen in my life! 532 00:32:58,876 --> 00:33:01,538 Will you stop being so funny? 533 00:33:01,612 --> 00:33:05,548 I'm not- I'm not trying to be funny! 534 00:33:05,616 --> 00:33:07,675 Harry? 535 00:33:07,752 --> 00:33:11,347 - Now, listen. Come on. - [Laughing Continues] 536 00:33:11,422 --> 00:33:13,822 Now, stop. I wanna show you something. 537 00:33:13,891 --> 00:33:17,292 Come on. Now, come on! Get up. 538 00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:20,058 Don't tell me you got a man under your bed? 539 00:33:20,131 --> 00:33:22,759 Oh, Harry, isn't that funny? 540 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:27,032 What am- Now, wait. What am I gonna see when I get there? 541 00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:29,232 Just me. 542 00:33:33,778 --> 00:33:36,838 [Laughter Continues] 543 00:33:36,914 --> 00:33:38,848 Oh, God! 544 00:33:38,916 --> 00:33:42,443 Angela Hoffa, I'd know that face anywhere! 545 00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:50,660 Oh, no! Oh- 546 00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:55,688 No, Angela, I gotta go home before I collapse. 547 00:33:57,902 --> 00:34:01,633 And if I collapse, you'll have to send for the doctor. 548 00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:05,267 And there'll be a scandal in Putnam's Landing! 549 00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:09,903 - You know something? - What? 550 00:34:09,981 --> 00:34:12,575 Oscar wouldn't like this. 551 00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:14,982 Grace wouldn't like it either. 552 00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:17,578 Oh! Oh! Oh! 553 00:34:17,655 --> 00:34:21,421 I'll never have another night like this again until the day I die. 554 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:26,894 - Well, hot-cha-cha! - Cha-cha-cha! 555 00:34:34,372 --> 00:34:37,068 [Narrator] While Harry takes his problem to Washington... 556 00:34:37,141 --> 00:34:40,542 the Bannerman's babysitter has a problem ofher own. 557 00:34:40,611 --> 00:34:42,909 Daddy-O, I wanna talk to you. 558 00:34:42,980 --> 00:34:47,041 You do? How unusual. Is there something wrong? 559 00:34:47,118 --> 00:34:50,918 Oh, I'm bugged, Daddy-O. Something weird has happened. 560 00:34:50,988 --> 00:34:56,688 - All of a sudden, I like boys! - Oh? 561 00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:59,787 No, no, Daddy-O. I don't just like 'em. 562 00:34:59,864 --> 00:35:03,300 I mean, I go all ape when I even think about 'em. 563 00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:05,301 - [Squeals] - I see. 564 00:35:05,369 --> 00:35:08,736 Uh, when did you first observe this, uh, phenomenon? 565 00:35:08,806 --> 00:35:11,900 This-This morning when Grady Metcalf got his motorcycle. 566 00:35:11,976 --> 00:35:13,910 You see, yesterday was his birthday... 567 00:35:13,978 --> 00:35:16,674 and his fossils promised him a motorcycle if he passed math. 568 00:35:16,747 --> 00:35:19,215 By "fossils," I presume you mean parents? 569 00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:22,548 - What else? - Excuse me. Am I also to understand... 570 00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,884 that Grady Metcalf passed math? 571 00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,049 - Weirdsville, ain't it? - It is indeed. 572 00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:29,059 Well, he must've cheated. 573 00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,061 Well, anyhow, Grady Metcalf... 574 00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:34,223 who is one of the really serious meatballs of our generation... 575 00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:37,290 took me out riding on his motorcycle this afternoon. 576 00:35:37,368 --> 00:35:39,359 And do you know what? All of a sudden... 577 00:35:39,437 --> 00:35:42,235 he didn't seem like such a serious meatball at all. 578 00:35:42,306 --> 00:35:44,900 - Weirdsville. - You're getting sharp. 579 00:35:44,976 --> 00:35:47,570 But that's not the worst of it. All of a sudden... 580 00:35:47,645 --> 00:35:50,170 all the boys seemed good to me. 581 00:35:50,248 --> 00:35:52,546 [Horn Honking] 582 00:35:52,617 --> 00:35:55,950 - Oh! - That is, I take it, in the nature of a mating call? 583 00:35:56,020 --> 00:35:58,614 - It's Grady! - [Honking Continues] 584 00:35:58,689 --> 00:36:00,623 Stop! 585 00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:03,592 Oh, I just hear that silly horn, and I go all ape! 586 00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:06,994 Daddy-O, why do I feel this way? 587 00:36:07,064 --> 00:36:10,522 Comfort, child, if the good Lord in his wisdom... 588 00:36:10,601 --> 00:36:12,967 had not seen fit to take your mother... 589 00:36:13,037 --> 00:36:15,665 perhaps she could answer you. 590 00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:18,937 All I can say is that no matter how bewildering it all seems... 591 00:36:19,010 --> 00:36:23,470 it is all quite natural, and soon, everything will be in order again. 592 00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:26,142 Oh, crazy. But what do I do in the meantime? 593 00:36:26,217 --> 00:36:29,675 In the meantime, you've got 300 years... 594 00:36:29,754 --> 00:36:32,245 of Puritan blood in your veins. 595 00:36:32,323 --> 00:36:35,588 - Listen to it. - Okay. 596 00:36:35,660 --> 00:36:39,562 - Good night, Daddy-O. - Good night, Comfort. 597 00:36:39,797 --> 00:36:42,698 [Grady] Tell me something, hey. What do you got against kissin'? 598 00:36:42,767 --> 00:36:44,792 [Comfort] I don't know. I just don't like it. 599 00:36:44,869 --> 00:36:47,167 Well, how do you know you don't like it, hey? 600 00:36:47,238 --> 00:36:49,570 Uh- 601 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,801 Did you ever try? 602 00:36:51,876 --> 00:36:53,810 - No. - [Clicks Tongue] 603 00:36:53,878 --> 00:36:56,403 Oh, look. Don't be a cube! 604 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,812 L- I-I mean, there's nothin' to it. 605 00:36:58,883 --> 00:37:01,215 You just- You just gotta remember to- 606 00:37:01,285 --> 00:37:05,722 to close your eyes and breathe through your nose. 607 00:37:05,790 --> 00:37:09,988 Close your eyes and breathe through your nose. 608 00:37:15,499 --> 00:37:18,400 There, now, uh, was that so bad? 609 00:37:18,469 --> 00:37:20,460 No. 610 00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:23,630 Do you like it? 611 00:37:23,708 --> 00:37:27,405 - Yeah. - Well, okay then! 612 00:37:29,313 --> 00:37:31,804 Mmm! Mmm! 613 00:37:31,882 --> 00:37:34,783 - [Gasps] - [Groans] 614 00:37:38,489 --> 00:37:41,481 [Screams, Gasps] 615 00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:45,051 Now, why'd you wanna go and do that for? L- I thought you liked kissin'. 616 00:37:45,129 --> 00:37:47,063 Oh, I do! 617 00:37:47,131 --> 00:37:50,623 L- I just figured it out. Kissing is wonderful. 618 00:37:50,701 --> 00:37:53,602 It's you I can't stand. 619 00:37:56,641 --> 00:37:58,575 [Narrator] Across the Potomac... 620 00:37:58,643 --> 00:38:00,577 from Washington, D.C. Stands the Pentagon... 621 00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:03,409 mighty nerve center of our nation's defense... 622 00:38:03,481 --> 00:38:08,748 with 171/2 miles of corridors and 40 snack bars. 623 00:38:08,819 --> 00:38:11,652 Do you realize that this is your first assignment... 624 00:38:11,722 --> 00:38:14,520 since the army got rid of its mules? 625 00:38:14,592 --> 00:38:18,084 [Both Chuckling] 626 00:38:18,162 --> 00:38:20,221 - [Intercom Buzzes] - Yes? 627 00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:22,425 [Woman] Mr. Bannerman is here to see you, sir. 628 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,434 Send him in. 629 00:38:24,502 --> 00:38:26,561 Here are the special orders for your troop detachment. 630 00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:30,403 You'll pick them up in Tennessee and have them in Putnam's Landing by the 27 th. 631 00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,908 - Yes, sir. - [Door Opens] 632 00:38:32,977 --> 00:38:36,469 - Oh. - How do you do, Mr. Bannerman? 633 00:38:36,547 --> 00:38:38,913 I'm General Thorwald. 634 00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:40,917 Oh, yes. How do you do, General? Pleased to meet you. 635 00:38:40,985 --> 00:38:43,351 - My pleasure. This is Captain Hoxie. - How do you do, Captain? 636 00:38:43,421 --> 00:38:48,757 I've asked him to be present because he'll be in command of the troops at Putnam's Landing. 637 00:38:48,826 --> 00:38:52,762 Now then, Mr. Bannerman, why don't you tell us what's on your mind. 638 00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:55,890 Oh, yes. Well, um, uh, the reason I'm here, General, is, uh... 639 00:38:55,966 --> 00:38:58,662 I'm in the public relations business, and I have, uh- 640 00:38:58,736 --> 00:39:01,864 Well, I'm alleged to have a certain persuasiveness- 641 00:39:01,939 --> 00:39:04,931 a command of the English language as it were. 642 00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:07,671 Well, uh, at any rate, uh... 643 00:39:07,745 --> 00:39:09,679 you see, my wife sent me to- 644 00:39:09,747 --> 00:39:13,205 I mean, the whole town sent me down to try to attempt... 645 00:39:13,284 --> 00:39:17,152 to dissuade you people from putting your highly secret, uh... 646 00:39:17,221 --> 00:39:21,715 whatever it is thing in Putnam's Landing. 647 00:39:21,792 --> 00:39:25,455 The point is, General, that ours being a very simple residential community... 648 00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,588 why, we- it's the town's feeling... 649 00:39:27,665 --> 00:39:30,657 that this highly- this thing, whatever it is... 650 00:39:30,735 --> 00:39:33,568 will drastically upset the social equilibrium... 651 00:39:33,637 --> 00:39:36,162 and the real estate values and that sort of thing. 652 00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:38,174 Yes, well, I hope you understand. 653 00:39:38,242 --> 00:39:40,540 Oh, you needn't be embarrassed, Mr. Bannerman. 654 00:39:40,611 --> 00:39:44,240 The army is somewhat accustomed to experiencing, uh, civilian opposition. 655 00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:48,479 What's all this bunk about social equilibrium and real estate values? 656 00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:51,680 Everybody agrees we gotta have an army, sure... 657 00:39:51,756 --> 00:39:53,690 but not in our town, eh? 658 00:39:53,758 --> 00:39:57,159 Oh, no, no, no. Just put 'em in somebody else's town. 659 00:39:57,228 --> 00:39:59,856 - Wait, Captain. That isn't what- - Mr. Bannerman, the point is- 660 00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:02,125 The point is that Putnam's Landing is full of yellow-livered... 661 00:40:02,199 --> 00:40:04,360 money-grubbing, potbellied feather merchants. 662 00:40:04,435 --> 00:40:08,132 If I had my way, I'd line 'em all against the wall and shoot the whole creepy mess of'em... 663 00:40:08,205 --> 00:40:10,833 beginning with you, you buck-passing civilian. 664 00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:14,400 Now, wait a minute, Captain. I did my part in the last war... 665 00:40:14,478 --> 00:40:16,412 and I'm still in the naval reserve. 666 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:21,440 Ah! Ah. A summer vacation sailor, huh? 667 00:40:21,519 --> 00:40:23,453 Serving this nation on a full-time basis... 668 00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:26,115 ain't good enough for high-class guys like you. 669 00:40:26,190 --> 00:40:29,990 - That's strictly for slobs like me and the general here, huh? - Captain Hoxie! 670 00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:32,961 Yeah. 671 00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:35,021 All right, mister. Okay. 672 00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:38,364 We'll save your bacon for you. We always have, we always will. 673 00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:40,404 But just keep out of our way. 674 00:40:40,471 --> 00:40:42,701 And don't try to stop us from performing our duty. 675 00:40:42,773 --> 00:40:45,833 Captain Hoxie, that will be all. Wait outside till I send for you. 676 00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:48,208 - Yes, sir. - Mr. Bannerman- 677 00:40:48,279 --> 00:40:52,978 I'll see you in Putnam's Landing, feather merchant. 678 00:40:53,050 --> 00:40:55,848 Mr. Bannerman, permit me to apologize. 679 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,912 - [Door Slams Shut] - Captain Hoxie is a fathead. I mean, he's a hothead. 680 00:40:58,989 --> 00:41:01,321 But he's a good soldier. 681 00:41:01,392 --> 00:41:03,792 Please, General, uh, don't apologize to me. 682 00:41:03,861 --> 00:41:07,319 I, uh- I mean, I said what I had to say... 683 00:41:07,398 --> 00:41:09,332 but my heart wasn't in it. 684 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,597 I apologize for me, and... 685 00:41:12,670 --> 00:41:16,037 well, I apologize for Putnam's Landing, and- 686 00:41:16,106 --> 00:41:18,040 Well, mostly I apologize for my wife... 687 00:41:18,108 --> 00:41:21,134 who got me into this preposterous position to begin with. 688 00:41:21,212 --> 00:41:25,205 Now, I don't know what you're gonna do in Putnam's Landing... 689 00:41:25,282 --> 00:41:28,410 and I of course know that the army is under no obligation to tell me. 690 00:41:28,486 --> 00:41:32,582 But whatever I can do up there, General, for you public relations-wise... 691 00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:35,420 why, you just let me know. 692 00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:38,587 [Chuckles] And, uh, with that hot fathead- 693 00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:40,596 Uh, to use your own words, that hot fathead in charge... 694 00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,598 you're gonna need plenty of help. 695 00:41:42,666 --> 00:41:44,657 Thank you, Mr. Bannerman. 696 00:41:44,735 --> 00:41:47,795 Thank you very much. Send Captain Hoxie in. 697 00:41:47,872 --> 00:41:50,898 Yes, well, thank you, General. And, remember, if I can be of any help- 698 00:41:50,975 --> 00:41:54,411 - I'll call on you. - Thank you. 699 00:41:54,478 --> 00:41:56,537 - [Thump] - [Loud Yell] 700 00:41:59,049 --> 00:42:01,711 [Chuckles] Well, good-day. 701 00:42:09,393 --> 00:42:12,191 - 412, please. - We've moved you into a suite, Mr. Bannerman. 702 00:42:12,263 --> 00:42:14,322 - 608. - What do you mean, you moved me? 703 00:42:14,398 --> 00:42:17,196 - Mrs. Bannerman insisted on it. - Mrs. Bannerman? 704 00:42:17,268 --> 00:42:19,566 That's right. She checked in about a half hour ago. 705 00:42:19,637 --> 00:42:21,571 You mean Mrs. Bannerman is here in Washington? 706 00:42:21,639 --> 00:42:23,664 She's upstairs waiting for you right now. 707 00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:27,302 No kidding? How about that Grace? 708 00:42:27,378 --> 00:42:29,903 How about that girl? 709 00:42:35,753 --> 00:42:38,153 Hello? Give me room service, please. 710 00:42:38,222 --> 00:42:40,349 711 00:42:40,424 --> 00:42:42,415 Hello? Uh, this is Mr. Bannerman speaking. 712 00:42:42,493 --> 00:42:44,927 Would you please send a tray of caviar and a bottle of champagne... 713 00:42:44,995 --> 00:42:47,486 to, uh- to, uh, suite 608? 714 00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:50,534 Yes. Well, just make it, uh... 715 00:42:50,601 --> 00:42:53,661 lots and lots of caviar, service for two, and immediately. 716 00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:57,764 Well, I don't care, just as long as it's French and it's large. Make it a magnum. 717 00:43:28,973 --> 00:43:30,907 [Gasps] 718 00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,281 Hello, Harry. 719 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,254 - Where's Grace? - In Putnam's Landing, I imagine... 720 00:43:53,330 --> 00:43:56,094 doing something noble and civic-minded. 721 00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:03,564 Harry, I'm not going to bite you. 722 00:44:12,082 --> 00:44:15,347 [Chuckling] 723 00:44:15,419 --> 00:44:19,048 Hadn't you better come in before a crowd gathers? 724 00:44:26,063 --> 00:44:29,464 He said, uh, at the desk that Mrs. Bannerman had checked in. 725 00:44:29,533 --> 00:44:32,627 Well, I suppose I could've registered as Mrs. Hoffa. 726 00:44:32,703 --> 00:44:35,001 But I was afraid eyebrows might've been raised. 727 00:44:35,072 --> 00:44:37,802 You know how provincial they are in Washington. 728 00:44:39,176 --> 00:44:41,406 What are you doing here anyway? 729 00:44:41,478 --> 00:44:44,447 - Lobbying. - Oh. 730 00:44:47,651 --> 00:44:50,449 [Laughing] 731 00:44:50,521 --> 00:44:53,149 I'm sorry, but you look so funny. 732 00:44:53,223 --> 00:44:56,852 I really can't tell whether you're coming or going. 733 00:44:58,862 --> 00:45:01,763 But anyway, here we are... 734 00:45:01,832 --> 00:45:04,198 Mr. And Mrs. Harry Bannerman. 735 00:45:04,268 --> 00:45:05,895 - Oh. - Mmm, I like the way that sounds. 736 00:45:05,969 --> 00:45:08,199 Yeah, and so does Grace. 737 00:45:08,272 --> 00:45:12,709 - Darling, you seem absolutely miserable. - I am. 738 00:45:12,776 --> 00:45:16,803 Look, Angela, we just- I mean, this is- this is improper. 739 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,973 Why? We're both married. 740 00:45:19,049 --> 00:45:21,176 [Giggling] 741 00:45:21,251 --> 00:45:26,086 Aha. I know what the trouble is. 742 00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:30,751 Remember Pink Boudoir? 743 00:45:30,828 --> 00:45:34,787 I wore only one drop the other day, and you became quite excited. 744 00:45:34,865 --> 00:45:37,800 Two drops, they say, is guaranteed to reduce any man... 745 00:45:37,868 --> 00:45:40,701 to a quivering, whimpering mass of jelly. 746 00:45:40,771 --> 00:45:43,171 Angela, please. In that case, I wouldn't go fooling around with it... 747 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,174 'cause I'm a quivering, whimpering mass of jelly right now. 748 00:45:45,242 --> 00:45:48,837 Oh, but it all seemed to go together so nicely. 749 00:45:48,912 --> 00:45:53,042 Pink perfume, pink peignoir... 750 00:45:53,117 --> 00:45:55,051 pink me. 751 00:45:55,119 --> 00:45:58,054 [Giggles] Oh! 752 00:45:58,122 --> 00:46:01,421 Darling, it seems to be stuck. Here, you try it. 753 00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:03,426 Angela, I wouldn't touch that for a million dollars. 754 00:46:03,494 --> 00:46:06,122 Well, darling, we have to get it open. I have this enormous investment. 755 00:46:06,196 --> 00:46:09,427 - Angela, please. - Oh, well. All right. I'll call the bell captain. 756 00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:13,834 Oh, no! No, no, I'll do it. [Grunting] 757 00:46:13,904 --> 00:46:16,873 You're so strong. I love a man with powerful hands. 758 00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:19,431 [Banging] 759 00:46:19,510 --> 00:46:22,240 [Grunting] 760 00:46:22,312 --> 00:46:25,304 Oh! Darling, are you all right? 761 00:46:25,382 --> 00:46:29,011 [Sniffs] Ooh! 762 00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:34,420 Smell the coat. Just smell it. 763 00:46:34,491 --> 00:46:36,425 - I'll have to burn it or something. - Mmm! 764 00:46:36,493 --> 00:46:39,462 That's the only suit I brought- I'll never be able to go home like this. 765 00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:42,556 It smells delicious. There's no question about that. 766 00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:46,000 Oh, I only wish you'd managed to get a little of it on me. 767 00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:53,304 Well, maybe if we sort of hang it outside and let the air get to it or something. 768 00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:56,244 You won't be needing it for a while anyway. 769 00:46:58,782 --> 00:47:03,219 Mmm! I don't know how you can resist you. 770 00:47:03,287 --> 00:47:06,222 - I know I can't. - Oh, Angela, please. 771 00:47:06,290 --> 00:47:08,224 [Laughing] 772 00:47:08,292 --> 00:47:10,283 What- 773 00:47:12,462 --> 00:47:14,430 I won't be able to go home for a week. 774 00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:16,966 Well, that's all right with me, Harry. 775 00:47:17,034 --> 00:47:19,161 Oh, that's very clever. 776 00:47:21,371 --> 00:47:23,305 Oh! Sorry. 777 00:47:23,373 --> 00:47:28,106 There you are, Black Beauty. 778 00:47:28,178 --> 00:47:31,147 You know, if I'd known you were gonna spend so much time behind that chair... 779 00:47:31,215 --> 00:47:33,149 I'd have ordered a smaller suite. 780 00:47:33,217 --> 00:47:35,879 [Chuckles] Angela, you just fracture me. 781 00:47:35,953 --> 00:47:39,821 Well! It certainly is cozy, isn't it? 782 00:47:39,890 --> 00:47:42,688 Say, listen, I, uh- I don't suppose... 783 00:47:42,759 --> 00:47:47,287 you'd be, uh, willing to slip into something a little less cozy? 784 00:47:47,364 --> 00:47:51,960 Oh. Well, don't you like my pretty, pink peignoir? 785 00:47:52,035 --> 00:47:53,969 I bought it especially for you. 786 00:47:54,037 --> 00:47:56,232 No, it's not that. It's just that- 787 00:47:56,306 --> 00:47:59,742 [Exhales] Grace used to have a pink kind of- 788 00:47:59,810 --> 00:48:01,675 Darling, I understand perfectly. 789 00:48:01,745 --> 00:48:04,578 I'm sure that it will be a lot better like this. 790 00:48:04,648 --> 00:48:07,583 - That's worse. - [Sighs] 791 00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:12,520 Well, Harry, what else do you suggest? 792 00:48:12,589 --> 00:48:16,616 Oh, no. Angela, take this and go. 793 00:48:16,693 --> 00:48:18,752 Okay. Fine! I'm going! 794 00:48:18,829 --> 00:48:21,525 And don't come back till you're dressed for the street! 795 00:48:21,598 --> 00:48:23,532 All right, all right. Calm down. I'm going. 796 00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,864 I'm going. 797 00:48:25,936 --> 00:48:29,497 Don't worry, Harry. I'll think of something. 798 00:48:48,992 --> 00:48:51,119 Operator, get me the valet service. 799 00:48:54,364 --> 00:48:56,457 Valet service, this is 608. How long would it take you... 800 00:48:56,533 --> 00:48:58,728 to have a suit cleaned and pressed? 801 00:48:58,802 --> 00:49:01,134 Wait a minute! Can you fumigate it? 802 00:49:01,204 --> 00:49:04,105 Oh. Uh, yes, put it on special, super special. 803 00:49:04,174 --> 00:49:07,075 And beside that, hurry. 804 00:49:07,144 --> 00:49:10,580 Operator, uh, this is, uh- Would you please, uh, call room service... 805 00:49:10,647 --> 00:49:12,979 and have them cancel that order for champagne and caviar to room- 806 00:49:13,050 --> 00:49:16,451 - [Doorbell Buzzing] - Never mind. It's here. 807 00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:25,284 [Giggles] 808 00:49:27,331 --> 00:49:30,129 Well, surprise! 809 00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:33,795 Darling, you've won. I said to myself when you left this morning... 810 00:49:33,870 --> 00:49:37,169 "Now, this is the day I promised Harry we would start our second honeymoon. 811 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:39,174 "And there he is all by himself. 812 00:49:39,242 --> 00:49:42,405 Now, this is cruelty, not only to him but to me. " 813 00:49:42,479 --> 00:49:45,380 So here I am feeling all lovable and cuddly inside... 814 00:49:45,449 --> 00:49:48,179 and ready to make up for everything. 815 00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:50,719 I'm gonna go down and get a haircut. 816 00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:53,051 Honey, like that? 817 00:49:53,123 --> 00:49:57,958 Besides, to use your own words, I don't think I can restrain myself. 818 00:50:01,965 --> 00:50:04,126 Why, Harry Bannerman! 819 00:50:04,201 --> 00:50:07,102 A suite, no less. 820 00:50:07,170 --> 00:50:09,730 Oh, you knew I was coming. 821 00:50:09,806 --> 00:50:12,297 Yes, you did too. 822 00:50:12,376 --> 00:50:14,867 Well, honey, don't stare at me like that. I'm not a ghost. 823 00:50:14,945 --> 00:50:18,244 I'm for real, and I'm here to prove it too. 824 00:50:18,315 --> 00:50:21,773 Oh.! Uh- Uh- 825 00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:24,616 You see? I travel light. 826 00:50:27,824 --> 00:50:29,758 - [Chuckles] - [Sighs] 827 00:50:29,826 --> 00:50:33,557 And since you look so comfortable, I may as well go and get cozy myself. 828 00:50:33,630 --> 00:50:35,928 Oh, uh, Grace, honey, I just wanna tell you one thing. 829 00:50:35,999 --> 00:50:38,695 I love you. I've always loved you and I always will love you. 830 00:50:38,769 --> 00:50:41,431 But- But right now, Grace, I love you the absolute most. 831 00:50:41,505 --> 00:50:45,441 I don't think a husband in the world could- could love you as much as I do. 832 00:50:45,509 --> 00:50:50,208 - Now, would you believe that? - Oh, darling, of course I believe you. 833 00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:53,647 - And may I say something? - What? 834 00:50:53,717 --> 00:50:57,778 I'm convinced. Now, as Cleopatra once said: 835 00:50:57,854 --> 00:51:00,823 "Who takes the shower first, Mark?" 836 00:51:04,895 --> 00:51:09,594 Oh, flowers! Darling, you think of everything. 837 00:51:09,666 --> 00:51:11,930 Harry, I've got some clothes on now.! 838 00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:24,110 839 00:51:30,353 --> 00:51:33,117 840 00:51:52,182 --> 00:51:54,150 Oh, Grace. Grace. You said you'd believe me. 841 00:51:54,217 --> 00:51:57,118 I had nothing to do with it. It was a complete surprise. 842 00:51:58,121 --> 00:52:00,521 Your caviar and champagne, sir. 843 00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:04,321 You were right, Harry. It was a complete surprise! 844 00:52:09,866 --> 00:52:12,528 - And then the fairy godmother touched the pumpkin- - [Sneezes] 845 00:52:12,602 --> 00:52:15,196 God bless you- with her magic wand... 846 00:52:15,271 --> 00:52:17,796 and it turned into a coach. 847 00:52:17,874 --> 00:52:20,843 - Mommy, it isn't a coach. It's a T-Bird. - [Blowing] 848 00:52:20,910 --> 00:52:23,879 - Yeah, T-Bird. - Yeah, you're a cube, Mommy. 849 00:52:26,449 --> 00:52:28,542 I'm sorry, Mommy. 850 00:52:28,618 --> 00:52:33,021 No, it's all right. You're absolutely right. Mommy is a cube. 851 00:52:34,224 --> 00:52:37,921 Well, run along upstairs and get ready for bed. 852 00:52:39,863 --> 00:52:42,457 I'll be up to tuck you in later. 853 00:52:45,068 --> 00:52:47,468 - Good night. - Good night. 854 00:52:50,673 --> 00:52:52,607 [Doorbell Buzzing] 855 00:52:57,747 --> 00:52:59,738 [Sighs] 856 00:53:01,050 --> 00:53:03,382 - Grace, before you slam the door- - Hello, Harry. 857 00:53:03,453 --> 00:53:06,251 Come in. I'm very glad you came. 858 00:53:06,322 --> 00:53:09,120 You are? Oh, Grace, that-that's big of you. 859 00:53:09,192 --> 00:53:12,423 Yes, this way you can take your bags with you. I won't have to send them. 860 00:53:12,495 --> 00:53:14,588 Grace, now-now wait a minute. 861 00:53:14,664 --> 00:53:16,962 There's a very, very simple logical explanation to all of this. 862 00:53:17,033 --> 00:53:19,866 - I'm sure. - It's not what you think. I tried to get away from her. 863 00:53:19,936 --> 00:53:21,870 - But you couldn't. - No, I couldn't. 864 00:53:21,938 --> 00:53:23,872 - Angela had a gun? - No, it wasn't that either. 865 00:53:23,940 --> 00:53:26,272 - She had an ether cone? - Honey, I didn't have any pant- 866 00:53:26,342 --> 00:53:28,867 I mean, uh, I wasn't dressed- 867 00:53:28,945 --> 00:53:30,936 Grace, please. Now, you're making this very difficult. 868 00:53:31,014 --> 00:53:33,778 What did you expect? A gold watch? 869 00:53:35,418 --> 00:53:40,378 Harry, I have thought this all over, and it is very clear to me now. 870 00:53:40,457 --> 00:53:44,120 I just don't want to be married to you anymore. 871 00:53:44,194 --> 00:53:46,128 Grace, now that's ridiculous. 872 00:53:46,196 --> 00:53:48,630 - What are you saying? I love you. - I can't believe that, Harry. 873 00:53:48,698 --> 00:53:52,293 And if I can't believe that, then I just can't be your wife anymore. 874 00:53:52,368 --> 00:53:55,496 - You see how-how simple that is? - Hi, Daddy. 875 00:53:55,572 --> 00:53:57,699 - Hiya, Danny. - Say good-bye to Daddy, boys. 876 00:53:57,774 --> 00:54:00,641 He's going away on business. 877 00:54:00,710 --> 00:54:04,510 - For how long this time? - Oh, for quite a while. 878 00:54:04,581 --> 00:54:07,482 How long is "Oh, quite a while"? 879 00:54:07,550 --> 00:54:10,178 Why, uh, I think you'll have to ask your mother. 880 00:54:10,253 --> 00:54:12,847 Come on. Say good night to Daddy and run along upstairs to bed. 881 00:54:12,922 --> 00:54:14,856 Good-bye, kids. I'll miss you. 882 00:54:14,924 --> 00:54:16,858 - Come on. - Hey. Come on now. 883 00:54:16,926 --> 00:54:18,951 - Do what your mommy says. - Good night. 884 00:54:24,234 --> 00:54:28,637 Harry, up until now I've managed to hold myself together... 885 00:54:28,705 --> 00:54:31,640 but one more minute of this, I- 886 00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:33,699 Harry. 887 00:54:35,545 --> 00:54:38,708 [Sniffing] 888 00:54:38,781 --> 00:54:40,772 Oh! 889 00:54:40,850 --> 00:54:42,784 - Out. Out. Out. - What did I do? Oh! 890 00:54:42,852 --> 00:54:46,015 - Out. Out. Out. Out. - What did I do, Grace? 891 00:54:46,089 --> 00:54:48,819 Harry Bannerman, you stink! 892 00:54:50,126 --> 00:54:52,060 [Crying] 893 00:54:54,030 --> 00:54:58,023 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 894 00:55:02,505 --> 00:55:05,804 Gotta have some form of recreation. 895 00:55:13,416 --> 00:55:14,542 [Horn Blaring] 896 00:55:15,418 --> 00:55:19,013 [Narrator] And here is a troop train heading eastward from Tennessee. 897 00:55:19,088 --> 00:55:25,049 Just a small cog in the big wheel that is destined to churn Putnam's Landing into chaos. 898 00:55:29,198 --> 00:55:32,292 Men. As you were. 899 00:55:32,368 --> 00:55:35,860 In exactly 10 minutes we reach our rendezvous point for the motor convoy. 900 00:55:35,939 --> 00:55:39,431 We'll proceed directly to our base, bypassing Putnam's Landing. 901 00:55:39,509 --> 00:55:43,070 Now, you've all been fully briefed. You know exactly nothing. 902 00:55:43,146 --> 00:55:45,137 That's the way it's gonna be. 903 00:55:45,214 --> 00:55:48,980 Not gonna be any guessing games about this top secret project you've been assigned to. 904 00:55:49,052 --> 00:55:53,079 All your mail will be censored. All taverns are off-limits to enlisted men. 905 00:55:53,156 --> 00:55:55,249 I'll tell you about further restrictions... 906 00:55:55,325 --> 00:55:58,055 uh, as they occur to me. 907 00:56:09,339 --> 00:56:11,330 Carry on. 908 00:56:18,081 --> 00:56:20,743 This is the first time I've ever been top secret. 909 00:56:20,817 --> 00:56:23,217 What's more important is what are we gonna do for boojum... 910 00:56:23,286 --> 00:56:25,481 in a jerkwater town like Putnam's Landing? 911 00:56:25,555 --> 00:56:29,116 Brother, we're dead. Stone-cold dead. 912 00:56:29,192 --> 00:56:33,390 I mean, small-town boojum's tough enough. But boojum in a small New England town? 913 00:56:33,463 --> 00:56:36,432 Gentlemen, it's hopeless. I don't know. 914 00:56:36,499 --> 00:56:39,798 Friends, let me tell you about hick towns. 915 00:56:39,869 --> 00:56:44,329 I've been in New York, New Orleans, St. Louis, Chicago and Hollywood... 916 00:56:44,407 --> 00:56:46,398 and I tell you the mortal truth. 917 00:56:46,476 --> 00:56:49,468 You'll find more boojum per square inch in hick towns... 918 00:56:49,545 --> 00:56:52,241 than you will find in any big city on this here green earth. 919 00:56:52,315 --> 00:56:54,715 Now, but just remember one thing- 920 00:56:54,784 --> 00:56:57,947 that when we get there, when we start lookin' over that boo... 921 00:56:58,021 --> 00:57:00,080 they're gonna be lookin' us over too. 922 00:57:00,156 --> 00:57:03,717 And most important thing of all is look sharp. 923 00:57:03,793 --> 00:57:06,193 That's half the secret. 924 00:57:06,262 --> 00:57:09,356 And I'll tell you the other half: Act miserable. 925 00:57:09,432 --> 00:57:12,697 I don't get it. Look sharp and act miserable? 926 00:57:12,769 --> 00:57:16,830 Son, there ain't nothin' attracts boo more than a miserable man. 927 00:57:16,906 --> 00:57:19,636 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But how do we convince them we're miserable? 928 00:57:19,709 --> 00:57:22,041 Now, that's the easiest thing in the world. 929 00:57:22,111 --> 00:57:24,944 Tell the boo how lonesome you are for the boo you left back home. 930 00:57:25,014 --> 00:57:27,812 - Tell the new boo about the old boo? - Well, sure. 931 00:57:27,884 --> 00:57:31,445 Yeah. But what if you ain't got an old boo back home? 932 00:57:33,289 --> 00:57:35,223 Well, then lie. 933 00:57:35,291 --> 00:57:39,022 Oh, but lie from here. Lie from the heart. 934 00:57:39,095 --> 00:57:42,997 - Man, you are really an inspiration to us all. - [Laughing] 935 00:57:49,038 --> 00:57:52,235 Looks like a crowd's gathered at the bridge. I wonder why. 936 00:57:52,308 --> 00:57:54,469 They're probably feather merchants. 937 00:57:54,544 --> 00:57:56,808 I'm sure it's not a welcoming committee. 938 00:57:56,879 --> 00:57:59,109 Close up! Close up! 939 00:58:19,068 --> 00:58:22,629 All right. All right, let's clear this road. 940 00:58:22,705 --> 00:58:25,435 Clear this road, everybody. I said clear this road. 941 00:58:25,508 --> 00:58:27,942 - Never. - Nev- 942 00:58:28,010 --> 00:58:30,410 What's goin' on here? 943 00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:34,348 We have asked you to move your top secret elsewhere. 944 00:58:34,417 --> 00:58:36,385 You have refused. 945 00:58:36,452 --> 00:58:39,819 Now we refuse to accept your refusal. 946 00:58:39,889 --> 00:58:44,588 Lady, I got my orders, and I am crossing that bridge. 947 00:58:44,660 --> 00:58:47,458 So get these women and kids out of my way. Now clear out, everybody! 948 00:58:47,530 --> 00:58:49,521 - Never. - What? 949 00:58:50,666 --> 00:58:53,066 Never! 950 00:58:53,136 --> 00:58:55,536 Oh. 951 00:58:57,340 --> 00:58:59,740 I'll- I'll run 'em down. 952 00:58:59,809 --> 00:59:02,903 - Boo! Boo! - [Protesters Booing] 953 00:59:02,979 --> 00:59:04,970 [Booing Continues] 954 00:59:07,083 --> 00:59:09,051 Captain Hoxie, why don't we just take another road? 955 00:59:09,118 --> 00:59:11,143 There must be another way to get to the base. 956 00:59:11,220 --> 00:59:14,087 My orders read, "Proceed north on Route 27 to the base. " 957 00:59:14,157 --> 00:59:18,059 This is Route 27, and this is the way we're gonna proceed. 958 00:59:18,127 --> 00:59:20,561 Keep up the fight, girls! 959 00:59:20,630 --> 00:59:24,930 Let's keep up with the spirit. We're bound to win. Come on. Close in the ranks. 960 00:59:25,001 --> 00:59:28,095 We'll wait 'em out. They gotta take those kids home sooner or later. 961 00:59:28,171 --> 00:59:30,605 That's it, driver. We'll wait 'em out. 962 00:59:32,408 --> 00:59:35,434 [Man] That's mighty pretty-lookin' boojum over there. 963 00:59:36,679 --> 00:59:39,045 Don't see any reason for us to stand here. 964 00:59:39,115 --> 00:59:41,310 I, uh, suggest that we advance and reconnoiter. 965 00:59:41,384 --> 00:59:43,318 - Yeah, there you go. - Yeah. 966 00:59:46,322 --> 00:59:50,691 Howdy, ladies. Uh, my men would like to tell you how delighted we are to be here. 967 00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:54,856 We regret this, uh, temporary minor unpleasantness, and we trust it'll quickly pass. 968 00:59:54,931 --> 00:59:58,833 Ooh, a Southern accent. I just go all ape when I hear a Southern accent. 969 00:59:58,901 --> 01:00:00,835 - I'm gratified. - [Laughs] 970 01:00:00,903 --> 01:00:05,567 Listen, if you army cats think you can just come waltzin' in here and take over our boojum... 971 01:00:05,641 --> 01:00:08,235 you got another thing comin'. 972 01:00:08,311 --> 01:00:10,711 - I gotta talk to you. - Oh, flake off. 973 01:00:10,780 --> 01:00:13,112 No, no. Hey, I gotta see you right now. 974 01:00:13,182 --> 01:00:17,141 - Go away, little man. Shoo! - Come on. Come on. Hey, cut the comedy. 975 01:00:17,220 --> 01:00:19,688 Hey, friend? 976 01:00:20,790 --> 01:00:23,350 [Giggling] 977 01:00:23,426 --> 01:00:27,123 I don't believe the young lady wishes to accompany you. 978 01:00:27,196 --> 01:00:29,892 What's it to you, army? 979 01:00:29,966 --> 01:00:31,991 Why don't you be a good fella and, uh, just- 980 01:00:32,068 --> 01:00:35,060 - Flake off. - Flake off. 981 01:00:35,137 --> 01:00:37,298 [Laughing] 982 01:00:37,373 --> 01:00:39,500 - Yeah? - Yeah. 983 01:00:39,575 --> 01:00:42,066 [Laughing Continues] 984 01:00:42,144 --> 01:00:46,547 Now why don't you take off before I gotta make little bumps all over your head? 985 01:00:57,727 --> 01:01:02,562 Well, it's almost lunchtime. They gotta take those kids home and feed 'em. 986 01:01:02,632 --> 01:01:04,998 Gangway, ladies! 987 01:01:05,067 --> 01:01:07,058 Come and get it! 988 01:01:08,504 --> 01:01:11,473 There you are. 989 01:01:15,077 --> 01:01:17,807 Okay, lady, if that's what you want, you got it. 990 01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:20,440 We'll wait. We got all day. 991 01:01:20,516 --> 01:01:24,748 These mothers are imbued with the spirit that has made America great. 992 01:01:24,820 --> 01:01:26,913 All right, fellas, bring it in. 993 01:01:28,691 --> 01:01:31,524 - Hey! - That'll do it. 994 01:01:31,594 --> 01:01:33,653 - Hey, what do you think you're doing? - Mobile news unit. 995 01:01:33,729 --> 01:01:36,197 - We're covering the crisis for television. - Nah, nah. No pictures. 996 01:01:36,265 --> 01:01:39,598 Get this junk out of here. We're a top secret project, you crumb. 997 01:01:39,669 --> 01:01:42,035 Captain, watch your language. You're on now. 998 01:01:42,104 --> 01:01:45,369 Now, listen. You get-What? 999 01:01:45,441 --> 01:01:47,375 [Chuckles] 1000 01:01:55,785 --> 01:01:57,776 [Intercom Buzzes] 1001 01:02:00,456 --> 01:02:02,549 - Yes? - [Woman] Mr. Bannerman to see you, sir. 1002 01:02:02,625 --> 01:02:05,560 Send him in. 1003 01:02:05,628 --> 01:02:08,859 Oh, hello, sir. I, uh- I flew down here the minute my office located me. 1004 01:02:08,931 --> 01:02:11,195 I understand there's something urgent you want me to do. 1005 01:02:11,267 --> 01:02:13,701 - Yes, you can adjust that left-hand knob. - What? 1006 01:02:13,769 --> 01:02:16,761 - The left one- the vertical hold. - General, I'm not a repairman- 1007 01:02:16,839 --> 01:02:19,330 If you please? Fix it. 1008 01:02:23,412 --> 01:02:27,280 [Reporter] I wonder if you'd be kind enough to explain your position to our viewers at home. 1009 01:02:27,350 --> 01:02:30,148 Gladly. 1010 01:02:30,219 --> 01:02:34,588 - Fellow citizens of America- - Situation normal for Captain Hoxie. 1011 01:02:34,657 --> 01:02:38,787 Here in Putnam's Landing we have built a beautiful, peaceful little community. 1012 01:02:38,861 --> 01:02:43,127 The, uh, women and children are offering stubborn resistance to him. 1013 01:02:43,199 --> 01:02:45,133 ...to establish something so horrible... 1014 01:02:45,201 --> 01:02:47,635 that they're even afraid to tell us what it is. 1015 01:02:47,703 --> 01:02:51,070 We are protesting with the only means available to us: 1016 01:02:51,140 --> 01:02:54,473 - Orderly, legal picketing. - Legal, my eye. 1017 01:02:54,543 --> 01:02:59,344 Oh, uh, I might add this is Captain Hoxie's first appearance on television. 1018 01:02:59,415 --> 01:03:01,849 ...watch the feathers fly. 1019 01:03:01,917 --> 01:03:04,112 Here is their lovable, gentle leader. 1020 01:03:04,186 --> 01:03:06,120 Notice the intelligent face. 1021 01:03:06,188 --> 01:03:10,284 It gives one the impression that he uses his head only to keep his ears apart. 1022 01:03:10,359 --> 01:03:13,590 [Laughs] Hey, that's very funny what she just said. 1023 01:03:13,662 --> 01:03:16,358 [Laughs] Yeah. That witch is the big troublemaker! 1024 01:03:16,432 --> 01:03:18,593 I'd like to put a bomb under her. 1025 01:03:18,667 --> 01:03:21,500 - I beg your pardon? - I said I'd like to put a bomb under her. 1026 01:03:21,570 --> 01:03:23,504 She should be home pushing a broom. 1027 01:03:23,572 --> 01:03:26,166 Better still, the witch should be riding it. 1028 01:03:26,242 --> 01:03:28,437 - She's my wife. - Well, she- 1029 01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:35,080 She, uh- She photographs nicely, doesn't she? 1030 01:03:36,786 --> 01:03:40,017 Tell SergeantJackson to load up and get ready to roll. We're movin' out. 1031 01:03:42,124 --> 01:03:44,490 I'm warning you for the last time. I'm coming through! 1032 01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,494 That fathead! 1033 01:03:49,698 --> 01:03:52,724 - Sure you can run it, sir? - How do you think I got these bars? 1034 01:03:52,802 --> 01:03:54,827 Okay, take it away. 1035 01:03:54,904 --> 01:03:57,737 [Protestors Shouting] 1036 01:03:57,807 --> 01:04:01,573 Oh, no. I can't look at this. 1037 01:04:14,457 --> 01:04:16,448 [Shouting Continues] 1038 01:04:26,836 --> 01:04:28,770 Where is he now? 1039 01:04:28,838 --> 01:04:33,741 He's in about four feet of water, sir. Maybe five. 1040 01:04:33,809 --> 01:04:36,778 I knew it. I knew it! 1041 01:04:40,749 --> 01:04:44,879 Mr. Bannerman, you once offered to do a public relations job for us... 1042 01:04:44,954 --> 01:04:47,445 in Putnam's Landing if we had trouble with the civilians. 1043 01:04:47,523 --> 01:04:49,457 Yes, sir. And it looks like you're having it. 1044 01:04:49,525 --> 01:04:52,050 Yes, it's quite a mess. And because of this... 1045 01:04:52,128 --> 01:04:55,256 I have requested the navy department to activate your status... 1046 01:04:55,331 --> 01:04:58,425 as a reserve officer in the navy and assign you to me. 1047 01:04:58,501 --> 01:05:04,462 Lieutenant Commander Bannerman, you are in the army now. 1048 01:05:09,311 --> 01:05:11,370 Yes, sir. 1049 01:05:13,482 --> 01:05:15,473 [Sneezes, Blows] 1050 01:05:18,554 --> 01:05:20,715 There's a naval officer to see you, sir. 1051 01:05:20,789 --> 01:05:24,225 A naval off- Well, that's all I need. 1052 01:05:24,293 --> 01:05:26,284 All right, send him in. Send him in. 1053 01:05:28,631 --> 01:05:31,657 Now- Oh, no. 1054 01:05:33,469 --> 01:05:37,496 - What are you doing here? - I, uh- I believe I outrank you, Hoxie. 1055 01:05:37,573 --> 01:05:40,201 But, uh, we'll dispense with the customary formality. 1056 01:05:40,276 --> 01:05:44,235 I'm here partially because of my affection for the naval reserve... 1057 01:05:44,313 --> 01:05:48,545 but mostly because you, to put it mildly, lack tact. 1058 01:05:48,617 --> 01:05:50,551 Well, I had a little accident. 1059 01:05:50,619 --> 01:05:55,249 Oh, it was quite spectacular. The general and I saw it on television. 1060 01:05:55,324 --> 01:05:57,554 - The general? - Mm-hmm. 1061 01:05:57,626 --> 01:06:00,618 Here are my orders putting me in full charge of public relations for this base... 1062 01:06:00,696 --> 01:06:03,221 reporting directly to General Thorwald. 1063 01:06:03,299 --> 01:06:07,895 You mean after 17 years in the army he expects me to work with a civilian navy officer? 1064 01:06:07,970 --> 01:06:10,200 - Not with, Hoxie- For. - Huh? 1065 01:06:10,272 --> 01:06:13,639 That is, in matters of public relations, you will take orders from me. 1066 01:06:13,709 --> 01:06:15,643 You are forbidden to use your brain. 1067 01:06:15,711 --> 01:06:17,770 It's fully explained in there. Fourteen copies. 1068 01:06:17,846 --> 01:06:21,475 - Well, he can't do this to me. - Mm-hmm. That's what I said, and here I am. 1069 01:06:21,550 --> 01:06:24,485 He- He- [Sneezes] 1070 01:06:24,553 --> 01:06:28,045 - Is your head clear now? - [Stammers] Uh-huh. 1071 01:06:28,123 --> 01:06:32,526 All right. Hoxie, the most important thing that we have to do is to prove to this town... 1072 01:06:32,595 --> 01:06:37,965 that this top secret project is-is absolutely harmless. 1073 01:06:38,033 --> 01:06:40,331 It, uh- It is safe, isn't it? 1074 01:06:41,337 --> 01:06:43,567 Top secret. 1075 01:06:43,639 --> 01:06:46,472 And the most important person that we have to convince is my wife. 1076 01:06:46,542 --> 01:06:50,000 You can stop right there. I dislike your wife. 1077 01:06:50,079 --> 01:06:52,206 Oh, well, then the feeling is mutual. 1078 01:06:52,281 --> 01:06:55,614 In fact, I might say I dislike your wife almost as much as I dislike you. 1079 01:06:55,684 --> 01:06:58,175 - Also mutual. - She made me look like a fool. 1080 01:06:58,254 --> 01:07:00,245 Well, don't blame my wife for your looks. 1081 01:07:00,322 --> 01:07:02,916 - Now, listen, Lieutenant! - Commander.! 1082 01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:06,728 How are you two men getting along? 1083 01:07:06,795 --> 01:07:09,889 Uh, army and navy. 1084 01:07:09,965 --> 01:07:11,899 - Hand in hand. - [Chuckles] 1085 01:07:16,939 --> 01:07:20,932 He- He- He- He- [Sneezes] 1086 01:07:21,610 --> 01:07:24,078 [Doorbell Buzzes] 1087 01:07:24,146 --> 01:07:30,480 - Who is it? - [Buzzing Continues] 1088 01:07:35,658 --> 01:07:37,922 Hello. 1089 01:07:37,993 --> 01:07:42,259 I'm still not speaking to you, but why are you in uniform? 1090 01:07:42,331 --> 01:07:46,324 Oh, well, I vaguely remember that somebody nominated me to go to Washington... 1091 01:07:46,402 --> 01:07:48,996 and that's where all my troubles started. 1092 01:07:49,071 --> 01:07:52,905 Now I find myself back in the service helping the army create goodwill... 1093 01:07:52,975 --> 01:07:55,910 - in a little town that I wished we'd never moved into! - Shh! 1094 01:07:55,978 --> 01:07:59,573 It's Saturday. I just put the children up for their naps. 1095 01:07:59,648 --> 01:08:01,809 Children, Daddy's home! 1096 01:08:07,156 --> 01:08:10,125 - Hi, Daddy! - Hi, Daddy! 1097 01:08:15,064 --> 01:08:17,555 - Are you a soldier? - Yeah. 1098 01:08:18,767 --> 01:08:20,826 Uh, let's go and play in your room, huh? Huh? 1099 01:08:20,903 --> 01:08:23,770 - Fine. - Forward! March! 1100 01:08:33,916 --> 01:08:36,248 - [Sighs] - [Door Closes] 1101 01:08:38,287 --> 01:08:41,450 Because of the peaceful influence of these God-fearing people... 1102 01:08:41,523 --> 01:08:45,983 the Pilgrims soon won over the Indians and the pipe of peace was smoked. 1103 01:08:46,061 --> 01:08:47,995 - [Blows Raspberry] - You wanna hear it again, boys? 1104 01:08:48,063 --> 01:08:51,362 - Yeah. - Ah, ah, ah. The party's over. 1105 01:08:51,433 --> 01:08:55,563 Come on, boys. It's bedtime. Get into your pajamas. 1106 01:08:55,637 --> 01:08:57,696 - Come on, boys. Mind your mother now. - That's right. 1107 01:08:57,773 --> 01:09:01,265 - Down. Down. Down, Rover. - Five minutes I wanna see you in those pajamas, all right? 1108 01:09:01,343 --> 01:09:04,335 - And I wanna have a few words with you. - Oh. 1109 01:09:04,413 --> 01:09:06,404 Don't forget to brush your teeth. 1110 01:09:08,484 --> 01:09:10,850 As for you, Harry Bannerman, I am not at all surprised... 1111 01:09:10,919 --> 01:09:15,083 that at a time of crisis in Putnam's Landing, you have joined the enemy. 1112 01:09:15,157 --> 01:09:18,320 Well, go. Good-bye. 1113 01:09:19,695 --> 01:09:21,686 [Chuckles] 1114 01:09:36,145 --> 01:09:39,603 - Good night, Mama. - Good night. [Kisses] 1115 01:09:45,788 --> 01:09:49,957 Good night, dear. 1116 01:09:54,696 --> 01:09:57,824 Well, you said everybody in pajamas. 1117 01:09:57,900 --> 01:10:00,596 And I brushed my teeth too. See? 1118 01:10:05,107 --> 01:10:07,940 - [Knocking] - [Grace] Go away.! 1119 01:10:09,144 --> 01:10:13,137 I can't. The boys made me promise I'd stay. 1120 01:10:13,215 --> 01:10:15,843 You coward, hiding behind children. 1121 01:10:15,918 --> 01:10:19,149 I hope you spend a miserable night in the guest room. 1122 01:10:19,221 --> 01:10:21,689 I have been miserable in the guest room. Grace, I, uh- 1123 01:10:21,757 --> 01:10:23,987 I've been thinking about a lot of things, among other things... 1124 01:10:24,059 --> 01:10:26,323 but one thing I've been thinking about most in particular. 1125 01:10:26,395 --> 01:10:29,193 And I think now, darling, is the time to discuss that important thing. 1126 01:10:29,264 --> 01:10:31,425 - Get up and get out. - L- 1127 01:10:34,303 --> 01:10:36,669 All right, let's discuss the other things. 1128 01:10:36,738 --> 01:10:40,572 - Grace, you don't realize what a spot I'm in. - Yes, I do. With me you're dead. 1129 01:10:40,642 --> 01:10:43,133 Yes, I know that. But I'm talking about General Thorwald. 1130 01:10:43,212 --> 01:10:47,615 Look, I flew in with General Thorwald this afternoon, and he made quite a point... 1131 01:10:47,683 --> 01:10:50,151 about telling me how important myjob is. 1132 01:10:50,219 --> 01:10:53,484 - Better luck away from home. - Thank you. 1133 01:10:53,555 --> 01:10:57,150 - Honey, look, if I goof on this job- - Ah, ah.! 1134 01:10:57,226 --> 01:11:02,721 If I goof on this job, General Thorwald says he has another job waiting for me... 1135 01:11:02,798 --> 01:11:04,823 in Alaska. 1136 01:11:04,900 --> 01:11:07,300 Well, suppose I get shipped up to Alaska? 1137 01:11:07,369 --> 01:11:09,803 Wear heavier underwear. 1138 01:11:09,872 --> 01:11:11,806 [Laughing] 1139 01:11:11,874 --> 01:11:13,967 Well, just laugh this off. 1140 01:11:14,042 --> 01:11:18,536 If I do get shipped to Alaska, that means I have to give up my business. 1141 01:11:18,614 --> 01:11:21,913 And, uh, well, on my navy pay, I- 1142 01:11:21,984 --> 01:11:24,680 I can't possibly keep up the payments on the house. 1143 01:11:24,753 --> 01:11:26,277 Tsk, tsk, tsk. 1144 01:11:26,355 --> 01:11:28,721 And, uh, let's see. 1145 01:11:28,790 --> 01:11:30,951 Oh, yes, they'll probably repossess the car... 1146 01:11:31,026 --> 01:11:34,518 and, uh, Peter will have to be removed from preschool. 1147 01:11:34,596 --> 01:11:37,895 Uh, there will be enough for the bare essentials, I suppose. 1148 01:11:37,966 --> 01:11:40,491 I mean, plain, wholesome food. 1149 01:11:40,569 --> 01:11:44,369 While you're at it, why don't you suggest we put the children up for adoption? 1150 01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:47,431 Okay. All right, maybe I was laying it on a little thick... 1151 01:11:47,509 --> 01:11:49,443 but let me tell you something, Mrs. Bannerman. 1152 01:11:49,511 --> 01:11:52,275 This is serious. And you can help. 1153 01:11:52,347 --> 01:11:55,145 Maybe we can turn one of your many vices into a virtue. 1154 01:11:55,217 --> 01:11:57,412 Just what do you mean by that? 1155 01:11:57,486 --> 01:12:02,446 Your pageant, honey. Maybe the darn thing'll bail me out. 1156 01:12:02,524 --> 01:12:06,756 The way I see it, if you can use some of the soldiers in it, along with the local talent... 1157 01:12:06,828 --> 01:12:10,525 it's sort of a gesture of goodwill. 1158 01:12:10,599 --> 01:12:13,500 Of course, it's only a little acorn, but, uh- 1159 01:12:13,569 --> 01:12:16,094 Why don't you and your acorn grow up? 1160 01:12:16,171 --> 01:12:18,765 All you have to do is prove to the people of Putnam's Landing... 1161 01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:20,831 that whatever that is out there is safe. 1162 01:12:20,909 --> 01:12:24,106 - Now can you do it? - How can I, honey? I don't know what it is. 1163 01:12:24,179 --> 01:12:27,114 You're not only unfaithful. You're stupid. [Scoffs] 1164 01:12:28,884 --> 01:12:31,944 - [Doorbell Buzzing] - I wonder who that is. 1165 01:12:32,020 --> 01:12:36,389 It's probably Angela Hoffa crocked and wondering if you can come out to play. 1166 01:12:40,462 --> 01:12:43,522 - Who is it? - [Man] Military courier from Washington, D. C... 1167 01:12:43,599 --> 01:12:45,760 with a special message for Mrs. Grace Bannerman. 1168 01:12:45,834 --> 01:12:48,098 Uh, just a minute. 1169 01:12:48,170 --> 01:12:50,104 Did you hear that? 1170 01:12:51,306 --> 01:12:53,240 Harry, can they do anything to me? 1171 01:12:53,308 --> 01:12:55,674 Well, I don't know, honey. You have been fighting the army. 1172 01:12:55,744 --> 01:12:58,770 - If they tell me to go to Washington, do I have to go? - Of course. 1173 01:12:58,847 --> 01:13:02,044 That'd be funny if you had to appear in front of a committee you didn't form. 1174 01:13:02,117 --> 01:13:04,051 Mmm. 1175 01:13:08,957 --> 01:13:12,222 - Mrs. Grace Bannerman? - Yes? 1176 01:13:12,294 --> 01:13:15,889 - Of Putnam's Landing? - Yes, yes. 1177 01:13:30,545 --> 01:13:33,412 It's for me, all right. 1178 01:13:33,482 --> 01:13:35,450 It's from the secretary of the army. 1179 01:13:35,517 --> 01:13:37,610 Oh, he's very important, honey. He's close to the top. 1180 01:13:37,686 --> 01:13:43,147 But he's appealing to me. He calls me "the leading force in the opposition. " 1181 01:13:43,225 --> 01:13:47,184 He calls upon me to help give the installation a chance to establish itself... 1182 01:13:47,262 --> 01:13:49,526 peaceably in the community. 1183 01:13:49,598 --> 01:13:55,093 "In so doing, Mrs. Bannerman, you not only will be ending a major internal crisis... 1184 01:13:55,170 --> 01:13:59,300 "but will establish yourself as one of the truly great and unselfish patriots... 1185 01:13:59,374 --> 01:14:02,901 in our nation's proud history. " 1186 01:14:02,978 --> 01:14:05,378 Isn't that a slight overstatement? 1187 01:14:07,716 --> 01:14:13,416 Well, Grace, now, uh, we don't know how vital this thing out there is to the army. 1188 01:14:13,488 --> 01:14:15,888 But what can I do about it? I'm on the other side. 1189 01:14:15,957 --> 01:14:18,949 We can solve a lot of our problems if we'll just put our heads together. 1190 01:14:19,027 --> 01:14:21,257 - Just our heads. - Like we used to. Up in the bedroom? 1191 01:14:21,329 --> 01:14:24,025 No, like we're going to right down here. 1192 01:14:27,903 --> 01:14:30,064 You heard me. Same thing goes for all of you. 1193 01:14:30,138 --> 01:14:32,129 Let's finish our drinks and get out of here, huh? 1194 01:14:32,207 --> 01:14:36,075 Aw, please, Captain. What are you trying to do, empty my joint? 1195 01:14:37,412 --> 01:14:39,277 You shouldn't have called them all feather merchants. 1196 01:14:39,347 --> 01:14:42,748 Huh? That goes for you too. 1197 01:14:42,818 --> 01:14:46,811 Hey, where were you during the last "unpleasantness"? 1198 01:14:46,888 --> 01:14:49,789 I keep telling you, I was all over Korea. 1199 01:14:49,858 --> 01:14:52,691 Well, don't change the subject. Look at you now. 1200 01:14:52,761 --> 01:14:56,060 Yeah? Well, how come you got no higher than a captain? 1201 01:14:56,131 --> 01:14:58,099 L- 1202 01:14:58,166 --> 01:15:00,430 Well, I've been reclassified three times. 1203 01:15:00,502 --> 01:15:03,494 - Yeah? Well, once more oughta do it. - Mm-hmm. 1204 01:15:11,980 --> 01:15:14,540 You stay out of my icebox. 1205 01:15:14,616 --> 01:15:18,279 I wanted a- Never mind. I'll just drink. 1206 01:15:19,421 --> 01:15:21,355 No whiskey, huh? 1207 01:15:21,423 --> 01:15:24,620 As long as you're not around, we don't need any alcohol. 1208 01:15:24,693 --> 01:15:28,686 Of course, if I'd known you were coming, I could've gotten champagne and caviar. 1209 01:15:28,764 --> 01:15:33,292 [Ringing] 1210 01:15:33,368 --> 01:15:36,064 Hello? 1211 01:15:36,138 --> 01:15:38,129 Hello. 1212 01:15:38,206 --> 01:15:40,538 Hello? 1213 01:15:42,577 --> 01:15:44,511 It was Angela. 1214 01:15:44,579 --> 01:15:46,945 - How could it be Angela if nobody answered? - I see it all now. 1215 01:15:47,015 --> 01:15:49,575 You probably told her if a woman answers, hang up. 1216 01:15:49,651 --> 01:15:53,610 I wouldn't have your mind for anything. Now just stop thinking about Angela- 1217 01:15:53,688 --> 01:15:55,918 How can I? The very idea. 1218 01:15:55,991 --> 01:15:59,324 A married man, father of two lovely boys, not satisfied. 1219 01:15:59,394 --> 01:16:01,624 - Not satis- Grace, I didn't do it. - And premeditated too. 1220 01:16:01,696 --> 01:16:03,960 How long have you two been planning this orgy? 1221 01:16:04,032 --> 01:16:06,193 Orgy? Grace, I'm absolutely innocent! 1222 01:16:06,268 --> 01:16:09,294 - The minute I saw Angela, you know what I did? - You took your clothes off! 1223 01:16:09,371 --> 01:16:13,239 It all comes back to me! [Sobbing] 1224 01:16:20,048 --> 01:16:22,516 I forgot. We're finished. 1225 01:16:27,622 --> 01:16:32,559 Now, and just what did you have in mind about my damn pageant? 1226 01:16:35,163 --> 01:16:37,131 - I can't concentrate. - Well, come on. I'm listening. 1227 01:16:37,199 --> 01:16:39,224 No, it was only a half-baked idea. 1228 01:16:39,301 --> 01:16:41,235 Well, that's all right. Tell me anyway. 1229 01:16:41,303 --> 01:16:44,204 Well, when I was reading to the kids it occurred to me... 1230 01:16:44,272 --> 01:16:49,676 that maybe the- the army could play sort of, uh, brave, pioneering Pilgrims... 1231 01:16:49,744 --> 01:16:52,838 that landed in a swarm of savage, hostile Indian- 1232 01:16:52,914 --> 01:16:54,905 - Forget it. - It is a half-baked idea. 1233 01:16:54,983 --> 01:16:57,975 - Nothing would appeal to you in your frame of mind. - Is that all there is? 1234 01:16:58,053 --> 01:17:00,248 - No, I had some other- - You're gonna leave it hanging there? 1235 01:17:00,322 --> 01:17:05,453 It could all end with a-with all of these people smoking a peace pipe. 1236 01:17:05,527 --> 01:17:08,155 Well, it's better than last summer's George Washington... 1237 01:17:08,230 --> 01:17:10,164 freezing to death at Valley Forge. 1238 01:17:10,232 --> 01:17:11,893 Perspiring? Huh. 1239 01:17:11,967 --> 01:17:15,733 - Good night. - Well, you've done it. 1240 01:17:15,804 --> 01:17:19,501 Ah. [Laughs] 1241 01:17:19,574 --> 01:17:24,637 Uh, I beg your pardon, but is there any reason why you shouldn't talk to me? 1242 01:17:24,713 --> 01:17:27,238 - [Door Closes] - [Engine Starts] 1243 01:17:27,315 --> 01:17:30,148 No. 1244 01:17:30,218 --> 01:17:34,177 As a matter of fact, you could do me a very large favor. 1245 01:17:34,256 --> 01:17:38,317 Well, things are picking up here in Putnam's Landing. 1246 01:17:38,393 --> 01:17:40,759 Will you call this number? 1247 01:17:40,829 --> 01:17:43,696 Mm-hmm. Oh, now, please. 1248 01:17:45,500 --> 01:17:48,936 And whom shall I ask for? 1249 01:17:49,004 --> 01:17:51,438 - Harry Bannerman. - Mm-hmm. 1250 01:17:51,506 --> 01:17:54,600 Uh- Oh, no. 1251 01:17:54,676 --> 01:17:56,667 [Laughing] 1252 01:18:01,082 --> 01:18:03,880 I think I'll just have another drink here. L- 1253 01:18:03,952 --> 01:18:07,115 Harry- Innkeeper! 1254 01:18:09,724 --> 01:18:12,818 May I, uh, use a little of your hot water? 1255 01:18:12,894 --> 01:18:16,728 - You kill me. - Mm-hmm. Thank you. 1256 01:18:16,798 --> 01:18:19,562 Well, without any help from you, I think we're doing very nicely. 1257 01:18:19,634 --> 01:18:24,367 We, uh- It's taking very definite shape, and, uh, in fact, it could be brilliant. 1258 01:18:24,439 --> 01:18:29,900 All we need is just one ingredient to sort of hold this spectacle together. 1259 01:18:31,379 --> 01:18:33,347 Yes, I think I've got it. 1260 01:18:33,415 --> 01:18:37,374 Um, towering above this-this majestic spectacle... 1261 01:18:37,452 --> 01:18:42,856 will be one dramatic voice: The narrator. 1262 01:18:42,924 --> 01:18:45,586 Of course, I really don't know who's available for the part. 1263 01:18:45,660 --> 01:18:49,221 We'd have to get a vibrant personality with a fine voice, beautiful. 1264 01:18:49,297 --> 01:18:52,198 Uh, a captivating figure, simply clad. 1265 01:18:52,267 --> 01:18:56,101 Angela Hoffa in a bedspread. 1266 01:18:57,372 --> 01:18:59,363 Yeah. 1267 01:19:01,876 --> 01:19:05,505 Actually, Captain Hoxie, I think you've misjudged Harry Bannerman. 1268 01:19:05,580 --> 01:19:09,243 - [Laughs] - He has a very understanding and kind... 1269 01:19:09,317 --> 01:19:12,809 - and sympathetic heart. - [Laughs] Yeah. 1270 01:19:12,887 --> 01:19:15,822 Look, if you'd just call him and tell him the truth. 1271 01:19:15,890 --> 01:19:19,485 Tell him that you accidently drove your jeep into the statue of Samuel Putnam... 1272 01:19:19,561 --> 01:19:21,495 that you're here in the bar, loaded... 1273 01:19:21,563 --> 01:19:24,396 that you want him to come over and drive you back to the base. 1274 01:19:24,466 --> 01:19:28,835 - I wouldn't ask a civilian in uniform for anything. - [Sighs] 1275 01:19:28,903 --> 01:19:31,872 Well, then will you just call this number and ask for Harry Bannerman? 1276 01:19:31,940 --> 01:19:33,874 - And I'll take it from there. - Mmm. 1277 01:19:33,942 --> 01:19:36,672 For me? 1278 01:19:36,745 --> 01:19:39,145 All right. F-For you. 1279 01:19:56,031 --> 01:19:58,056 You got a dime? 1280 01:20:00,869 --> 01:20:02,803 Thank you very much. 1281 01:20:02,871 --> 01:20:06,102 What a beautiful day it'll be. First your magnificent pageant... 1282 01:20:06,174 --> 01:20:09,439 and-and- and, uh, with you having the only speaking role. 1283 01:20:09,511 --> 01:20:12,639 And then the fun and the fraternization later. 1284 01:20:12,714 --> 01:20:15,979 Very beautiful, except who's going to persuade the citizens... 1285 01:20:16,051 --> 01:20:18,110 to participate with the soldiers? 1286 01:20:18,186 --> 01:20:20,120 That's your job, honey. After all, you're their leader. 1287 01:20:20,188 --> 01:20:23,214 I am not their leader if I'm speaking for the army. 1288 01:20:23,291 --> 01:20:26,089 Well, what about the secretary of the army? Are you gonna let him down? 1289 01:20:26,161 --> 01:20:28,789 [Phone Rings] 1290 01:20:28,863 --> 01:20:31,730 Why don't you answer it this time? Maybe she'll talk to you. 1291 01:20:31,800 --> 01:20:34,064 Oh. Hello. 1292 01:20:34,135 --> 01:20:37,002 Uh, Bannerman? This is Hoxie. 1293 01:20:37,072 --> 01:20:40,166 Now this wasn't my idea, because I wouldn't talk to you- 1294 01:20:40,241 --> 01:20:43,768 - Uh, yes, Captain Hoxie. - Oh, come off it. 1295 01:20:43,845 --> 01:20:46,678 Excuse me. Well, it is Captain Hoxie. 1296 01:20:46,748 --> 01:20:49,342 - Would you like to speak to him? - Yeah. 1297 01:20:49,417 --> 01:20:53,080 - Listen to me- - Captain Hoxie. Get yourself a drink, Captain. 1298 01:20:53,154 --> 01:20:55,247 Yeah, that's a good idea. 1299 01:20:55,323 --> 01:20:59,191 Uh, just a minute. What was that, Captain Hoxie? 1300 01:20:59,260 --> 01:21:01,660 Uh, no, darling. This is Angela. 1301 01:21:01,729 --> 01:21:04,960 Look, I'm here at Ye Olde Putnam House with your little friend Captain Hoxie. 1302 01:21:05,033 --> 01:21:08,469 And he-he's really- He's full of flit, and he's stoned out of his skull. 1303 01:21:08,536 --> 01:21:10,766 Uh, yes, Hoxie. 1304 01:21:10,839 --> 01:21:13,137 He's ready to turn everything else upside down around here... 1305 01:21:13,208 --> 01:21:16,143 so you'd better come right over and get him right away. 1306 01:21:16,211 --> 01:21:19,237 - Well, look, dear, I can't get over there- - What? 1307 01:21:19,314 --> 01:21:22,340 Uh, just a minute. 1308 01:21:22,417 --> 01:21:25,045 You got me so confused. See, I thought I was talking to you. 1309 01:21:25,120 --> 01:21:27,816 - Let me talk to him. - Honey, you don't want to talk to him. 1310 01:21:27,889 --> 01:21:30,084 Wait a minute. You don't want to talk to him. He's drunk. 1311 01:21:30,158 --> 01:21:32,388 He's at Ye Olde Putnam House. He's wrecked his jeep. 1312 01:21:32,460 --> 01:21:35,258 He's about to wreck my whole public relations job. You don't want to talk to him. 1313 01:21:35,330 --> 01:21:37,264 - Yes, I do. - Oh, you do? 1314 01:21:37,332 --> 01:21:39,300 Yes. 1315 01:21:41,970 --> 01:21:46,634 Well, uh- Uh, listen here, Hoxie. Mrs. Bannerman wants to talk to you. 1316 01:21:46,708 --> 01:21:49,176 Oh. Oh. Yes. Captain Hoxie! 1317 01:21:49,244 --> 01:21:51,178 And-And watch your language, will you? 1318 01:21:51,246 --> 01:21:53,578 And-And pull yourself together, Captain Hoxie. 1319 01:21:53,648 --> 01:21:56,344 Yes, I will. Mrs. Bannerman. Mrs. - 1320 01:21:56,417 --> 01:22:00,319 - [Stammering] - Mrs. - Mrs. Bannerman wants to talk. 1321 01:22:03,358 --> 01:22:07,089 - Uh, hello, Mrs. Bannerman. - Oh, it is you, Captain Hoxie. 1322 01:22:07,162 --> 01:22:09,096 Well, who did you think it was? 1323 01:22:09,164 --> 01:22:12,793 I welcome this opportunity to say a few words to you, you- 1324 01:22:12,867 --> 01:22:15,495 Captain Hoxie, I think you're a disgrace to the army. 1325 01:22:15,570 --> 01:22:18,300 Drunk and wrecking public property? You ought to be ashamed. 1326 01:22:18,373 --> 01:22:21,342 I want to talk to Mr. Bannerman. 1327 01:22:21,409 --> 01:22:22,899 - Mrs.? - Mister. 1328 01:22:22,977 --> 01:22:24,467 - Mister? - Mister. 1329 01:22:24,546 --> 01:22:27,071 Oh! Oh. 1330 01:22:27,148 --> 01:22:30,015 On second thought, I- I'd rather speak to your husband. 1331 01:22:30,084 --> 01:22:33,781 He says he wants to talk to you so he can swear probably. 1332 01:22:33,855 --> 01:22:36,323 - Well, I'll take care of him. - Just a minute. 1333 01:22:36,391 --> 01:22:38,825 Here-Here's Mr. Bannerman. 1334 01:22:38,893 --> 01:22:40,827 [Gagging] 1335 01:22:40,895 --> 01:22:44,194 L- I-I beg- I- I- I beg, uh- 1336 01:22:44,265 --> 01:22:46,495 - I beg your-your pardon. - You need a drink, Captain Hoxie. 1337 01:22:46,568 --> 01:22:49,969 - To the bar. Bar. - I think you're exactly right. 1338 01:22:50,038 --> 01:22:52,472 Now, listen here, Hoxie- 1339 01:22:52,540 --> 01:22:54,565 No, no, no, darling. You listen to me. 1340 01:22:54,642 --> 01:22:57,270 You can't avoid me. I'm inevitable. 1341 01:22:57,345 --> 01:23:01,076 Now, I understand that you are being tossed out of your happy little home. 1342 01:23:01,149 --> 01:23:03,982 And Oscar called from Hollywood, and he's very suspicious. 1343 01:23:04,052 --> 01:23:06,748 So why don't you help me make his suspicions come true? 1344 01:23:06,821 --> 01:23:11,019 Well, uh- Such language. It's just shocking. 1345 01:23:11,092 --> 01:23:13,424 Listen, Hoxie, I will not drive you home. 1346 01:23:13,494 --> 01:23:17,328 Can you imagine? You and me in Reno together for six weeks... 1347 01:23:17,398 --> 01:23:19,992 with nothing to do but roll dice? 1348 01:23:20,068 --> 01:23:22,536 No. No. My wife considers your call an intrusion... 1349 01:23:22,604 --> 01:23:24,731 and she insists that I do not go out tonight. 1350 01:23:24,806 --> 01:23:27,639 - Now you're hiding behind me. You're welcome to go. - Shh. No. 1351 01:23:27,709 --> 01:23:30,769 And stay. And hurry. 1352 01:23:30,845 --> 01:23:33,109 - He'll be right over. - Wonderful- 1353 01:23:33,181 --> 01:23:35,411 What? Who is this? 1354 01:23:37,085 --> 01:23:40,020 [In Nasal Voice] One, two, three, four. 1355 01:23:40,088 --> 01:23:42,113 This is the operator. 1356 01:23:42,190 --> 01:23:44,681 Is your line in order? 1357 01:23:44,759 --> 01:23:47,250 Angela Hoffa is a worse actress than I am. 1358 01:23:47,328 --> 01:23:50,422 Now she's playing an operator with adenoids. 1359 01:23:51,699 --> 01:23:55,795 The number you have been dialing is a wrong number. 1360 01:23:55,870 --> 01:24:00,500 Operator, tell your party I'll be right down. 1361 01:24:04,579 --> 01:24:06,570 It did sound like Angela, didn't it? 1362 01:24:11,252 --> 01:24:13,186 Well, all right, it was Angela... 1363 01:24:13,254 --> 01:24:16,712 but-but it was also Hoxie, and he's drunk and he's on a rampage and- 1364 01:24:17,992 --> 01:24:20,483 Well, I couldn't get in any deeper than I am now... 1365 01:24:20,561 --> 01:24:23,189 so I'm going. 1366 01:24:26,601 --> 01:24:29,069 [Angela] Hi, Harry. 1367 01:24:29,137 --> 01:24:31,662 - See what I mean? - Come on, Hoxie. Come on. 1368 01:24:31,739 --> 01:24:33,969 - Hmm? Huh? [Mutters] - Come on, Hoxie. Come on. 1369 01:24:34,042 --> 01:24:36,840 - Sh-Shut up, sir. - Come on. 1370 01:24:36,911 --> 01:24:39,880 - Harry, what's your hurry? Have a little drinkie. - No. 1371 01:24:39,947 --> 01:24:42,006 - He'll have one. Three brandies, please. - No! 1372 01:24:42,083 --> 01:24:44,677 Angela, please give me a hand. Help me get him to the car. 1373 01:24:44,752 --> 01:24:47,118 I've gotta get him back to the base. Come on, Hoxie. 1374 01:24:47,188 --> 01:24:49,520 - Only if I can go along. - [Muttering] 1375 01:24:49,590 --> 01:24:52,184 - All right. All right. All right. - All right. All right. All right. 1376 01:24:52,260 --> 01:24:54,194 - What? What? - Come on, Hoxie. 1377 01:24:54,262 --> 01:24:56,992 Wait a minute. Who's gonna pay his tab? 1378 01:24:57,065 --> 01:25:00,125 Here. Don't bother about the change. We'll be back. 1379 01:25:00,201 --> 01:25:03,068 Angela, please. Come on. 1380 01:25:03,137 --> 01:25:06,402 [Laughs] We'll-We'll be back. 1381 01:25:08,676 --> 01:25:11,668 Uh-oh. In here. 1382 01:25:17,852 --> 01:25:19,786 Bannerman, are- 1383 01:25:19,854 --> 01:25:21,981 Oh, General. Oh, boy. 1384 01:25:22,056 --> 01:25:24,854 I've been working on a little public relations. 1385 01:25:24,926 --> 01:25:28,123 - Are you doing a bit of relaxing? - Do I look relaxed? 1386 01:25:28,196 --> 01:25:32,292 I've asked everybody on the base but you. Have you seen Hoxie? 1387 01:25:32,367 --> 01:25:36,201 Hoxie? Oscar Hoffa? 1388 01:25:36,270 --> 01:25:39,933 Hello, Bannerman. Have you been fooling around with my wife? 1389 01:25:40,007 --> 01:25:43,841 Whoa. Uh- Now, why would you say something like that? 1390 01:25:43,911 --> 01:25:47,870 Just got in from Hollywood. A bad report on my wife. 1391 01:25:47,949 --> 01:25:50,247 - Some chiseler right here in Putnam's Landing. - Is that so? 1392 01:25:50,318 --> 01:25:52,252 - Mm-hmm. - [Objects Clattering] 1393 01:25:52,320 --> 01:25:54,288 [Angela] Ouch.! 1394 01:25:54,355 --> 01:25:57,586 There's only one woman in the world who says ouch like that. 1395 01:25:58,926 --> 01:26:00,860 So I caught you. Army, huh? 1396 01:26:00,928 --> 01:26:03,761 - [Punches Landing] - [Stammering] 1397 01:26:07,368 --> 01:26:10,360 - I'm sorry. - Oscar, I never knew you cared. 1398 01:26:10,438 --> 01:26:12,429 Mm-hmm. 1399 01:26:17,578 --> 01:26:20,945 [Engine Starts] 1400 01:26:21,015 --> 01:26:23,006 [Vehicle Departs] 1401 01:26:25,920 --> 01:26:29,083 First and foremost, I want to thank Mr. Isaac Goodpasture... 1402 01:26:29,157 --> 01:26:32,456 for that splendid article describing my pageant. 1403 01:26:32,527 --> 01:26:35,087 And, of course, I'm intensely grateful to General Thorwald. 1404 01:26:35,163 --> 01:26:39,065 Through his efforts, our pageant will be even greater than ever this year. 1405 01:26:39,133 --> 01:26:42,296 Now, of course, you understand, this does not mean... 1406 01:26:42,370 --> 01:26:47,171 that I am dropping my opposition to the establishment of a top secret base in our community. 1407 01:26:47,241 --> 01:26:49,675 Oh, no. It simply means... 1408 01:26:49,744 --> 01:26:54,977 that I am willing to give the army a chance to prove that I am wrong. 1409 01:26:55,049 --> 01:26:57,950 I regret to report that we have already received... 1410 01:26:58,019 --> 01:27:00,681 a great deal of unfavorable publicity. 1411 01:27:00,755 --> 01:27:05,954 News of our resistance has caused grave concern in Washington, D.C. 1412 01:27:07,628 --> 01:27:10,324 As a matter of fact, I have right here... 1413 01:27:10,398 --> 01:27:14,129 a letter that I received from the secretary of the army. 1414 01:27:14,202 --> 01:27:16,432 - How did he get into this? - L- I'll find out. 1415 01:27:16,504 --> 01:27:18,495 I repeat, none other than the secretary of the army... 1416 01:27:18,573 --> 01:27:21,940 asking us to demonstrate our patriotism... 1417 01:27:22,009 --> 01:27:24,307 by giving the army a chance. 1418 01:27:24,378 --> 01:27:27,506 - [Applauding] - A letter from the secretary himself. 1419 01:27:27,582 --> 01:27:29,880 How did you ever swing that? 1420 01:27:29,951 --> 01:27:34,718 - Well, at the time it seemed- - All right, Mr. Secretary. 1421 01:27:34,789 --> 01:27:37,724 - We hear your- - What is the rap for forgery? 1422 01:27:37,792 --> 01:27:40,886 - We give your army a chance. - Well- 1423 01:27:40,962 --> 01:27:43,362 - [Applauding] - It's that bad? 1424 01:27:44,365 --> 01:27:47,266 [Doorbell Buzzing] 1425 01:27:47,335 --> 01:27:49,769 Excuse me. 1426 01:27:52,573 --> 01:27:55,235 Good evening, Mr. Bannerman. 1427 01:28:00,448 --> 01:28:03,849 Why, Mr. Hoffa, we haven't seen much of you lately. 1428 01:28:03,918 --> 01:28:07,945 - Yes, I realize. - However, we've seen a great deal of Angela. 1429 01:28:08,022 --> 01:28:10,650 Yes. Angela's given me a sense of guilt. 1430 01:28:10,725 --> 01:28:14,092 I've been absent so much I've missed out on being a part of the local activities. 1431 01:28:14,161 --> 01:28:17,494 Oh, yes, you have "missed out" on a great deal. 1432 01:28:17,565 --> 01:28:21,558 Angela, however, has been very active. 1433 01:28:21,636 --> 01:28:25,629 Now here is my blank check to cover the cost of the costumes. 1434 01:28:25,706 --> 01:28:28,698 Make it out for whatever you want, Mrs. Bannerman. 1435 01:28:28,776 --> 01:28:32,109 [Laughs] How generous. 1436 01:28:32,179 --> 01:28:35,580 What part do you have in mind for me, Gracie? 1437 01:28:35,650 --> 01:28:37,584 Oh, I'll give it a lot of thought, doll. 1438 01:28:37,652 --> 01:28:42,214 I'll try to come up with something that'll bring out the... real you. 1439 01:28:42,290 --> 01:28:44,986 [Laughing] 1440 01:28:45,059 --> 01:28:49,155 - Oh, I see you have company. We won't keep you anymore. - Aw. 1441 01:28:49,230 --> 01:28:51,858 Good night, Harry. Good night, Gracie. 1442 01:28:51,933 --> 01:28:54,128 Good night. 1443 01:28:54,201 --> 01:28:57,034 - [Forced Chuckle] - [Chuckles] 1444 01:28:58,039 --> 01:29:01,236 "Good night, Harry. " 1445 01:29:01,309 --> 01:29:02,571 � [Guitar Strumming] 1446 01:29:12,253 --> 01:29:15,745 You know, I think it's about time we- 1447 01:29:18,526 --> 01:29:21,927 - What's the hardware? - This? 1448 01:29:21,996 --> 01:29:24,624 Oh, this is Opie's sharpshooting medal. 1449 01:29:24,699 --> 01:29:28,328 - He pinned me last night. Didn't you? - That's right. 1450 01:29:28,402 --> 01:29:34,363 And he is just about to sing a song that he wrote especially for me. 1451 01:29:34,442 --> 01:29:36,603 That's right too. 1452 01:29:36,677 --> 01:29:38,907 Now, look, why don't you and I step outside- 1453 01:29:38,980 --> 01:29:43,041 Why don't you just run along and write a song? 1454 01:29:54,729 --> 01:29:57,254 Well, come on. Give. 1455 01:29:57,331 --> 01:29:59,265 Glad to, ma'am. 1456 01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,461 When a man's in love, he wants to sing it to the whole world. 1457 01:30:03,604 --> 01:30:07,734 1458 01:30:08,909 --> 01:30:12,606 1459 01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:15,513 1460 01:30:15,583 --> 01:30:19,747 1461 01:30:19,820 --> 01:30:22,345 - - [Laughs] Aw. 1462 01:30:22,423 --> 01:30:27,292 I could crawl 1463 01:30:27,361 --> 01:30:30,819 1464 01:30:30,898 --> 01:30:34,026 - [Laughs] - 1465 01:30:34,101 --> 01:30:38,094 seein' as how 1466 01:30:38,172 --> 01:30:40,106 1467 01:30:40,174 --> 01:30:46,044 � Now I'll swing from a star and play my guitar� 1468 01:30:46,113 --> 01:30:49,640 1469 01:30:49,717 --> 01:30:52,777 - Hey. - 1470 01:30:52,853 --> 01:30:55,219 1471 01:30:55,289 --> 01:30:59,225 1472 01:30:59,293 --> 01:31:03,889 - [Squealing] - 1473 01:31:04,899 --> 01:31:08,596 1474 01:31:08,669 --> 01:31:11,502 Holy cow 1475 01:31:11,572 --> 01:31:13,540 1476 01:31:13,607 --> 01:31:18,271 - - [Squeals] 1477 01:31:18,345 --> 01:31:20,745 1478 01:31:20,815 --> 01:31:24,751 - boo-boo-boo-boojum 1479 01:31:27,054 --> 01:31:29,921 - Do you know who's gonna be the Pilgrims? - The army. 1480 01:31:29,990 --> 01:31:33,687 Yeah. So-So you know who's gonna volunteer to join the Indians? 1481 01:31:33,761 --> 01:31:37,253 Us. And-And then when the rumble's over... 1482 01:31:37,331 --> 01:31:39,561 we've wiped out the army. 1483 01:31:39,633 --> 01:31:41,828 Now-Now, the way that I see it- 1484 01:31:44,038 --> 01:31:47,769 [Narrator] Well, this is it. The day of days at Putnam's Landing... 1485 01:31:47,842 --> 01:31:51,243 where Pilgrims meet Indians, and civilians meet army. 1486 01:31:51,312 --> 01:31:53,906 And doves of peace whisper gently... 1487 01:31:53,981 --> 01:31:56,609 that all must learn to live happily side by side. 1488 01:31:56,684 --> 01:32:01,018 Friends and neighbors, there's a well-known saying... 1489 01:32:01,222 --> 01:32:04,248 that coming events cast their shadows. 1490 01:32:04,325 --> 01:32:07,317 Now today I hope- 1491 01:32:07,394 --> 01:32:09,385 [Audience Laughing] 1492 01:32:13,334 --> 01:32:15,962 [Laughing Continues] 1493 01:32:16,036 --> 01:32:20,439 Well, so much for that. [Clears Throat] 1494 01:32:20,508 --> 01:32:23,534 "I will now take you back many, many years... 1495 01:32:23,611 --> 01:32:28,571 "to the time when our eastern seacoast was occupied by hostile Indians. 1496 01:32:28,649 --> 01:32:31,516 - - "On this day in the early 1600s... 1497 01:32:31,585 --> 01:32:34,349 - "the Indians are celebrating a happy event- - [Whooping] 1498 01:32:34,421 --> 01:32:37,322 "The betrothal ofbeautiful Princess Pocahontas... 1499 01:32:37,391 --> 01:32:40,019 "the daughter of Chief Powhatan... 1500 01:32:40,094 --> 01:32:43,325 to the handsome young brave, White Wing. " 1501 01:32:43,397 --> 01:32:45,888 [Whooping Continues] 1502 01:32:50,504 --> 01:32:56,443 "In true Indian fashion, the young lovers learn of the sweet mysteries of marriage... 1503 01:32:56,510 --> 01:32:59,638 "from the most experienced member of the tribe... 1504 01:32:59,713 --> 01:33:02,978 Princess Flaming Tepee. " 1505 01:33:15,262 --> 01:33:17,287 [Whooping] 1506 01:33:19,333 --> 01:33:24,464 "Legend has it that Princess Flaming Tepee has broken up many a wigwam. 1507 01:33:31,378 --> 01:33:36,213 The Indians were unaware they were gazing at the good ship Mayflower. " 1508 01:33:36,283 --> 01:33:39,309 - Boat! - [Whooping] 1509 01:33:39,386 --> 01:33:42,480 "Suddenly, the princess's dance was cut short. " 1510 01:33:42,556 --> 01:33:44,547 1511 01:33:46,393 --> 01:33:51,194 I repeat, "Suddenly, the princess's dance was cut short. " 1512 01:33:51,265 --> 01:33:55,167 Mrs. Hoffa. Mrs. Hoffa! 1513 01:33:55,236 --> 01:33:57,830 The boat is here. 1514 01:34:01,775 --> 01:34:05,233 Thorwald to Bannerman, you're on. Get the lead out of your Pilgrims. 1515 01:34:05,312 --> 01:34:09,112 Bannerman to Thorwald. Wilco and out, sir. 1516 01:34:09,183 --> 01:34:12,710 Captain Hoxie, you will proceed to shore. 1517 01:34:12,786 --> 01:34:17,314 All right, snap to it, you guys. Let's get this clambake over with. 1518 01:34:22,229 --> 01:34:26,598 "Ladies and gentlemen, this is a glorious moment in history... 1519 01:34:26,667 --> 01:34:29,568 "the landing of the Pilgrims on Plymouth Rock. 1520 01:34:29,637 --> 01:34:33,368 "First to set foot on the rock was GovernorJohn Carver... 1521 01:34:33,440 --> 01:34:37,501 "who was to rule the little colony wisely and well. 1522 01:34:37,578 --> 01:34:41,105 Let us all watch in reverent silence. " 1523 01:34:51,492 --> 01:34:54,393 Is the Plymouth Rock greased? 1524 01:34:54,461 --> 01:34:57,453 - What else, man? - [Shouts] 1525 01:34:57,531 --> 01:34:59,556 [Laughing] 1526 01:34:59,633 --> 01:35:02,830 Boat! Boat! Boat! 1527 01:35:02,903 --> 01:35:06,134 [Whooping] 1528 01:35:29,029 --> 01:35:32,931 "Learning that the military leader of the Pilgrims is Captain John Smith... 1529 01:35:33,000 --> 01:35:35,696 "the Indians prepare to burn him at the stake. 1530 01:35:37,037 --> 01:35:39,403 "Uh, but at the last minute Pocahontas intercedes... 1531 01:35:39,473 --> 01:35:43,239 "to plead for the life of Captain John Smith and for the others. 1532 01:35:43,310 --> 01:35:46,746 "Uh, for those of you who do not understand Indian sign language... 1533 01:35:46,814 --> 01:35:48,873 "I will translate. 1534 01:35:48,949 --> 01:35:51,474 "'Uh, Father, I beg of you, do not destroy this paleface... 1535 01:35:51,552 --> 01:35:55,249 until you know whether he and his people come to us as friend or foe. "' 1536 01:35:58,359 --> 01:36:00,657 The rumble now? 1537 01:36:01,929 --> 01:36:03,863 Now. 1538 01:36:08,035 --> 01:36:11,027 [Popping] 1539 01:36:31,458 --> 01:36:34,450 It says here that this peaceful relationship... 1540 01:36:34,528 --> 01:36:37,019 continued for over a hundred years. 1541 01:36:37,097 --> 01:36:40,089 - [Whooping] - [Popping] 1542 01:36:44,671 --> 01:36:46,662 Uh, Mayflower to General Thorwald. 1543 01:36:46,740 --> 01:36:49,732 Sir, my ship seems to be changing position rapidly. 1544 01:36:49,810 --> 01:36:51,869 Is it changing to port or to starboard? 1545 01:36:53,414 --> 01:36:55,348 I would say it's downward, sir. 1546 01:37:14,068 --> 01:37:16,559 [Cheering] 1547 01:37:22,409 --> 01:37:26,106 Thorwald? This is the Mayflower, sir. L- I've got a bit of a problem. 1548 01:37:26,180 --> 01:37:29,172 - Don't give up the ship. - Aye, aye, sir. 1549 01:37:37,691 --> 01:37:39,784 Calling General Thorwald, sir. 1550 01:37:39,860 --> 01:37:43,296 Over... and under. 1551 01:38:17,164 --> 01:38:19,894 [Narrator] In a last desperate effort to save the day... 1552 01:38:19,967 --> 01:38:23,698 General Thorwald decided to let the governing body of Putnam's Landing... 1553 01:38:23,770 --> 01:38:26,261 in on the big secret. 1554 01:38:26,340 --> 01:38:30,208 Now we find Captain Hoxie in charge of a chimpanzee. 1555 01:38:30,277 --> 01:38:32,837 He, the chimp- the one on the left- 1556 01:38:32,913 --> 01:38:35,473 plays an important role in the army's closely-guarded secret. 1557 01:38:35,549 --> 01:38:37,915 - Ah. - [Chimp Shouting] 1558 01:38:37,985 --> 01:38:41,887 Here's the secret we are going to share. 1559 01:38:41,955 --> 01:38:45,220 Come on, LeRoy. [Chuckles] 1560 01:38:45,292 --> 01:38:49,092 There we are. Oh! 1561 01:38:49,163 --> 01:38:54,863 Ah. This little fellow is going to take a journey into space... 1562 01:38:54,935 --> 01:38:58,029 and return, alive. 1563 01:38:58,105 --> 01:39:00,665 - Aren't you? Yes, he agrees. - [Chattering] 1564 01:39:00,741 --> 01:39:04,108 Every conceivable precaution has been taken for his safe return. 1565 01:39:04,178 --> 01:39:07,238 It's 99 and 9/10ths percent assured. 1566 01:39:07,314 --> 01:39:12,479 But that is why we are sending this little fella instead of a human volunteer. 1567 01:39:12,553 --> 01:39:17,081 Now then, we will enact for you just what will take place in the foreseeable future. 1568 01:39:17,157 --> 01:39:21,093 Uh, up to the point of takeoff, of course. 1569 01:39:21,161 --> 01:39:24,358 Captain, would you take LeRoy and put him up in the cone, please? 1570 01:39:24,431 --> 01:39:26,456 - Yes, sir. - There. 1571 01:39:26,533 --> 01:39:29,161 LeRoy won't let anybody but Captain Hoxie put him up there. 1572 01:39:29,236 --> 01:39:31,227 Well, lately he's begun to fight me too. 1573 01:39:31,305 --> 01:39:34,035 - [Squealing] - Huh? 1574 01:39:34,107 --> 01:39:35,870 Y- You see what I mean, sir? 1575 01:39:35,943 --> 01:39:40,277 Uh, this- this may take a little time. 1576 01:39:40,347 --> 01:39:44,215 So while we're waiting for LeRoy to get housed in the cone... 1577 01:39:44,284 --> 01:39:46,809 - I'd like to show you the extreme precaution... - [Squealing Continues] 1578 01:39:46,887 --> 01:39:49,355 We will take at the actual launching. 1579 01:39:49,423 --> 01:39:51,357 Follow me, gentlemen. 1580 01:39:52,726 --> 01:39:56,127 Now, gentlemen, if all these gadgets confuse you... 1581 01:39:56,196 --> 01:39:58,630 believe me, you are not alone. 1582 01:39:58,699 --> 01:40:03,102 Only the big brains- uh, the scientists- know the inner workings. 1583 01:40:03,170 --> 01:40:05,934 In layman's language it boils down to... 1584 01:40:06,006 --> 01:40:09,203 lever number one, lever number two... 1585 01:40:09,276 --> 01:40:11,267 and the button. 1586 01:40:11,345 --> 01:40:15,406 Now, if you'll retain that simple thought, I'll take you into control room number two. 1587 01:40:15,482 --> 01:40:18,451 Uh, this way, gentlemen. Through there, please. 1588 01:40:18,518 --> 01:40:22,113 [LeRoy Screaming] 1589 01:40:25,826 --> 01:40:28,795 You will follow me, please. 1590 01:40:32,332 --> 01:40:34,425 [Screaming Continues] 1591 01:40:34,501 --> 01:40:36,435 [Chuckles] 1592 01:40:36,503 --> 01:40:40,064 They've been together so much I think they're getting on each other's nerves. 1593 01:40:40,140 --> 01:40:42,074 [Laughing] 1594 01:40:42,142 --> 01:40:44,474 - No. You- - [Screaming Continues] 1595 01:40:44,544 --> 01:40:46,478 Ah! 1596 01:40:46,546 --> 01:40:49,777 Now you remember the controls in the other room- 1597 01:40:49,850 --> 01:40:53,752 Lever number one, lever number two and the button. 1598 01:40:53,820 --> 01:40:57,347 Now, gentlemen, this is indeed a mechanized age we're living in. 1599 01:40:57,424 --> 01:41:00,484 Uh, for instance- Excuse me. 1600 01:41:00,560 --> 01:41:02,221 N- 1601 01:41:04,164 --> 01:41:08,362 [Narrator] At the base hospital, they removed Grace's wet clothes and dismissed her. 1602 01:41:08,435 --> 01:41:11,495 As an afterthought, they gave her this outfit. 1603 01:41:14,074 --> 01:41:16,838 Here. You see? Each step of this complicated procedure... 1604 01:41:16,910 --> 01:41:20,311 can be followed on these panels around the room. 1605 01:41:20,380 --> 01:41:25,477 And, uh, later you'll be able to see the activity at the actual launching site. 1606 01:41:25,552 --> 01:41:28,612 But, gentlemen, in the final analysis... 1607 01:41:28,689 --> 01:41:32,022 it is the human equation that really counts. 1608 01:41:34,461 --> 01:41:37,624 Hello, operator. I was told that I would find General Thorwald... 1609 01:41:37,698 --> 01:41:39,962 in control room number one, but he- 1610 01:41:41,401 --> 01:41:44,029 Never mind. 1611 01:41:44,104 --> 01:41:46,038 I just missed you at the base hospital. 1612 01:41:46,106 --> 01:41:49,303 They told me that they had ordered you home and straight to bed. 1613 01:41:49,376 --> 01:41:53,938 I have to apologize to General Thorwald first. Thank you. 1614 01:41:54,014 --> 01:41:56,175 Well, forget about General Thorwald. 1615 01:41:56,249 --> 01:41:58,717 - You know, maybe you'd better apologize to me first. - Harry! 1616 01:41:58,785 --> 01:42:00,719 This is a showdown! 1617 01:42:00,787 --> 01:42:04,951 The first thing I have to say is I love you, and I'm tired of sleeping in the guest room. 1618 01:42:05,025 --> 01:42:07,960 - Harry! - And the second thing that I have to say... 1619 01:42:08,028 --> 01:42:10,394 is that- that I am a man who wants his wife back. 1620 01:42:10,464 --> 01:42:13,661 - And I'm gonna get her back, too, because I am right on my side... - [Squeals] 1621 01:42:13,734 --> 01:42:16,134 And-and no pigheaded woman's gonna wreck my home. 1622 01:42:16,203 --> 01:42:21,106 The rocket cannot be launched until all are agreed that conditions are perfect. 1623 01:42:21,174 --> 01:42:27,135 At that moment, lever number one here and lever number one in the other room are pulled. 1624 01:42:28,148 --> 01:42:30,082 Harry, you're going berserk! 1625 01:42:30,150 --> 01:42:32,914 - Not only that, but I am running amok! - [Screams] 1626 01:42:32,986 --> 01:42:35,853 Now watch. 1627 01:42:35,922 --> 01:42:40,882 Uh, this is our closed-circuit color television. 1628 01:42:40,961 --> 01:42:45,261 And I will try to describe some of the intricacies of this massive operation. 1629 01:42:45,332 --> 01:42:48,199 Now this on the side is the crane. 1630 01:42:48,268 --> 01:42:51,499 Uh, we call it the "gantry. " 1631 01:42:51,571 --> 01:42:54,096 Here you see a long shot of the crane. There it is. 1632 01:42:54,174 --> 01:42:56,699 There's the rocket which is 90 feet high. 1633 01:42:56,777 --> 01:43:00,235 Now in a moment the crane will be removed. 1634 01:43:00,313 --> 01:43:03,578 Every man becomes tense as we near the end of the countdown. 1635 01:43:03,650 --> 01:43:06,016 Although this is only a dry run... 1636 01:43:06,086 --> 01:43:08,611 one still gets a great feeling of excitement. 1637 01:43:08,688 --> 01:43:13,125 Then if the men controlling lever number two are in accord, the same thing applies. 1638 01:43:13,193 --> 01:43:15,127 Follow? 1639 01:43:15,195 --> 01:43:18,892 Now, while I'm still the aggressor, we're gonna get one thing straight. 1640 01:43:18,965 --> 01:43:21,900 There was absolutely nothing going on between me and Angela Hoffa. 1641 01:43:21,968 --> 01:43:24,528 - But I mean absolutely nothing going on- - Stop. Stop. 1642 01:43:24,604 --> 01:43:26,538 I believe you. 1643 01:43:26,606 --> 01:43:30,906 Would you like to, uh, clarify that statement? 1644 01:43:30,977 --> 01:43:34,105 - I have faith in you. - Honey, do you- 1645 01:43:34,181 --> 01:43:37,708 [Clears Throat] Do you have a fever? I mean, you're not yourself. 1646 01:43:37,784 --> 01:43:39,877 - Like this afternoon, jumping into the bay... - [Sighs] 1647 01:43:39,953 --> 01:43:42,615 And trying to end it all because your pageant was a flop. 1648 01:43:42,689 --> 01:43:44,953 Oh, honey, you're lovably stupid. 1649 01:43:45,025 --> 01:43:49,655 Aren't you ashamed? I mean, did you forget that you're the mother of two children? 1650 01:43:49,729 --> 01:43:53,062 No. I was thinking of their father. 1651 01:43:53,133 --> 01:43:56,000 When I saw you hit the water, and I didn't see you come up- 1652 01:43:56,069 --> 01:43:58,003 You mean, you tried to re- 1653 01:43:58,071 --> 01:44:01,268 - Honey, the deepest water you've ever been in is the bathtub. - Uh-huh. 1654 01:44:01,341 --> 01:44:03,275 - I mean, without water wings. - [Laughs] 1655 01:44:03,343 --> 01:44:05,573 And, now, when all are agreed the conditions are perfect... 1656 01:44:05,645 --> 01:44:08,637 and during the countdown procedure at "X" minus five... 1657 01:44:08,715 --> 01:44:11,684 two men must make the same momentous decision... 1658 01:44:11,751 --> 01:44:15,812 to press the identical buttons setting off the electronic triggering device. 1659 01:44:15,889 --> 01:44:19,154 Oh, Grace Oglethorpe, home we go. 1660 01:44:19,226 --> 01:44:21,694 And then I'm gonna put you in a hot tub of water. 1661 01:44:21,761 --> 01:44:25,128 - Yeah. What else? - And then I'm gonna give you a big snifter of hot brandy. 1662 01:44:25,198 --> 01:44:27,598 - Yeah. What else? - And so to bed. 1663 01:44:27,667 --> 01:44:29,601 [Moans] 1664 01:44:29,669 --> 01:44:31,830 And then we'll attempt to solve my problem. 1665 01:44:31,905 --> 01:44:33,998 What do you say to that? 1666 01:44:34,074 --> 01:44:37,271 Now when the triggering device is set off, the red light goes on overhead... 1667 01:44:37,344 --> 01:44:39,676 and LeRoy is on his way. 1668 01:44:39,746 --> 01:44:42,044 - Of course, nothing happens now. - [Machinery Starting Up] 1669 01:44:42,115 --> 01:44:44,049 The red light is on. 1670 01:45:01,601 --> 01:45:03,592 What happened? 1671 01:45:11,945 --> 01:45:14,345 [LeRoy Chattering] 1672 01:45:16,783 --> 01:45:19,047 LeRoy! Where's Hoxie? 1673 01:45:19,119 --> 01:45:21,053 [Chattering] 1674 01:45:29,062 --> 01:45:31,326 Is that Hoxie up there? 1675 01:45:31,398 --> 01:45:33,696 [Laughing] Who-Who else? 1676 01:45:35,969 --> 01:45:37,903 Can he get out? 1677 01:45:37,971 --> 01:45:41,498 If he has sense enough to eject himself, he'll float down. 1678 01:45:43,410 --> 01:45:45,435 And be court-martialed. 1679 01:45:45,512 --> 01:45:47,503 [Laughing] 1680 01:45:52,385 --> 01:45:56,219 [Phone Rings] 1681 01:45:59,459 --> 01:46:02,860 - Hello. - Good luck, Harry. 1682 01:46:02,929 --> 01:46:04,920 Thank you. 1683 01:46:08,168 --> 01:46:10,568 Well, who was that? 1684 01:46:10,637 --> 01:46:12,628 Angela Hoffa. 1685 01:46:12,706 --> 01:46:15,072 Oh, Harry. 1686 01:46:15,141 --> 01:46:17,632 [Laughing]